A week into separating

[Jorainbow]

Somewhat confused at my feelings right now. Yesterday I tried to talk to him about practical stuff and it ended up in a sulk and storm off as usual. Today he text in the morning saying he was coming to collect some stuff then 20 minutes later he was not in a good mood and wasn't coming but then he was off shopping for clothes. I had a family lunch which he knew about but out of the blue he was in the town I live in,  where was I? And because I didn't answer straight away that was it. Silent treatment. Discarded. Is this on purpose as a couple of days ago it was all I love you etc.? I'm all over the place and quite anxious which I don't like.

[SoStuck]

I'm sorry you are going through this. But I am so happy you have taken the first steps at getting away from someone who isn't treating you well.

Discarding is normal behaviour for someone with a PD, from what I've read. Splitting, seeing someone as all bad or all good, and the basic inability to attach to someone I think are all at play here for you. About 6 months ago I realized that my husband of nearly 15 years is completely unable to cherish me and his love is 100% conditional on the attention I'm giving him, whether I'm acting the way he wants me to act or behaving the way he wants me to behave. If I'm not, I'm the enemy. He speaks with so much anger and hate in his voice when he accuses me of not doing the things he needs me to do in order for him to be happy. Of course, this makes me question my reality and why I can't be a good enough person to just do those little things for him. But that's not normal or healthy!

Think about yourself, girl. He doesn't have your back so make sure you have your own back and take care of you. If he's discarding you that will make it easier to maintain no contact and to move on with your life.

It's not easy. Despite their behaviours we always have hope that they will change and the reality we dream of will materialize but sadly, I don't think that people with these sorts of issues are capable of certain things. It doesn't make them bad people, it just makes them not good for us. 

[notrightinthehead]

Jorainbow, could it be that he is just continuing his usual behaviour? Push/pull - I love you/I hate you - always keeping you on your toes, with your mind focussed on him? Thinking about him, wondering what he thinks, feels, is upset about? It's a habit.
Would you consider, every time you notice that your mind is on him again, telling yourself "STOP. I am thinking about myself now. How do I feel? What do I want? What would be good for me now?"