Thank you card

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logistics

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Thank you card
« on: January 02, 2020, 11:27:52 PM »
Out of town, niece 16 wrote a thank you card to husband. It was addressed to him and the thank you card only mentioned him. I was totally ignored. I did the shopping, wrapping mailing and included all our names on the gift. He gets the honorable mention because I'm the SG. Do I ignore? Do I see if H will say some thing to his family? Do I ignore her gift next year?

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H_Allison

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2020, 11:05:44 AM »
Girl- you take a big step back next year. This is your DH's family, so he gets to manage the gifts/celebrations. If they want to benefit from your careful consideration and thoughtfulness, they better start treating your like it.

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NumbLotus

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2020, 11:25:51 AM »
I wouldn't get all up in arms about a 16 year old's thank you note. You can take a step back but I wouldn't be punishing her or hold a grudge over it.

She was likely affected by a parent's direction, whether purposeful ("no, you don't need to address your aunt") or inadverdant ("have you written your uncle's thank you note yet?" - shorthand but taken literally).
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea
Another lonely day, noone here but me
More loneliness than any man could bear

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2020, 05:42:35 PM »
 :yeahthat:

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logistics

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2020, 09:09:06 AM »
Thank you, of course your all correct. In being the one to be blamed for everything and punished with silent treatment it's easy to take things personally when I have to remember it's a 16 yo

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2020, 09:15:14 AM »
For me the issue would be that my h didnít stand up for me and say this wasnít acceptable. Itís totally not acceptable.

I agree that his niece is not to blame, sheís 16 and her parents likely told her what to write or she picked up on their feelings towards you. I am the family scape goat and my nieces treat me as one. I donít blame them as they are children. I feel sorry for them they that they are being raised in the same messed up family system that I was.

You h however is an adult and Iím sure this has come up in the past. My h never stood up for me with is family. There were other issues but this was the one that upset me the most and ultimately I decided to leave.

Have you spoken to him about this card? What was his response?

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logistics

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2020, 12:17:29 PM »
My husband's stance is what really bothers me.  He continues the cycle. He minimizes the impact to me. He minimizes his relationship with his family though children and he received gifts from this particular family  but I did not get any gifts or acknowledgement. Next year I will be expected to give gifts and be the bigger person and they will be expected to treat me poorly.  They are out of town so I don't see them but I still feel their treatment.

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2020, 12:41:12 PM »
My exes family lived a few stares away and I felt their impact on me very keenly. Distance is nothing when it comes to abuse.

Iím sorry Your husband isnít supporting you in this. Iíve been there and I remember how hurtful, frustrating and destabilizing  it was.

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appaloosa

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2020, 12:45:44 PM »
"Next year I will be expected to give gifts and be the bigger person and they will be expected to treat me poorly. "

They can expect all they want--your husband and his relatives. If it were me, they'd be expecting until the cows came home, because I would do exactly ZERO. By continuing to fulfill their expectations, you are enabling their abuse.

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Alexmom

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Re: Thank you card
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2020, 04:59:56 PM »
I would ignore the card but going forward not do anymore gift buying, sending, etc. for the IL side.   Your H can take that over and you can do better things with your time.