Taking care of our mental health.

[Blackbird11]

Hi everyone,

I have had terrible anxiety and OCD for many years. I thought I had it "under control." It turns out I was not really taking care of it.

Granted, I had a lot going on the past few years (marriage/childbirth/moving/new job/kid getting diagnosed with a chronic condition/[fill in normal everyday stressors here]). All of this on top of going through my difficulties with my uPDh and now an almost 9 month separation.

So, while I've been in therapy, trying to do a few self care things - to check the boxes - I wasn't really taking care of me. I was in "go" mode and didn't know when to stop. I wasn't talking about things in therapy that I should have been talking about. I was trying to put on a happy face to everyone...including my therapist!

In short, this is just a note to say if you're struggling, there is help out there. We gotta ask for it - especially if you're going through stuff with the PD(s) in your life and you have underlying mental health conditions.

I was in denial for a long time about my anxiety/OCD, and then this past week it all fell on top of me like a ton of bricks. I'm doing ok today - having more good hours than bad hours after a week that felt like hell.

I don't know wtf is happening with my marriage at the moment, but I do know I need to take care of me now. And actually, 100% do it, even if it means using medication to help me through this difficult period.

I also told my family the truth about my anxiety - which I've basically been hiding for two decades. uPDh was aware of it - not in depth - and heck, even he was supportive in me getting help this week.

Was I worried he will later use it against me? Sort of. But Im choosing to have faith that no matter what happens with our relationship, that he is also getting some growth out of this painful process. And if he chooses to go in a negative direction, I have my support network helping me to get stronger for the fight.

Anyway, that's the end of my PSA. I just wanted to share just in case it could help someone else who might be struggling and scared to get help.

- Bb11

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you. 

[tob-ler-one]

I can worry a lot and I sometimes feel bad for reaching out and asking others for support or advice when they are probably under pressure themselves. I've asked people for support when I had no business doing it, but thanks to the infantilisation and parentification I didn't know where else to turn and I had no close friends or family around me. I find it difficult to believe I got through that time pretty much alone.

I'm trying to take things a day at a time, an hour at a time if I can. For me, it sometimes feels like I've really been through it, medication is  helping though.

[1footouttadefog]

I think in the long run you will be glad you can to the place where you saught and took help.  It will not be a negative but a positive that you took charge of your health and well being.  Especially with you being a mom. 

You marriage will be what it will be, but taking care of you will optimize all aspects of your life in the meantime. 

Stay strong.