Crazy "all about me" talk from elderly Dad

[p123]

This one takes the biscuit.....

Shortly before xmas (just before I went NC with brother), brother was off that my wife and I (yeh my wife really!) needed to see Dad more because he wasn't visiting all the time on a Saturday any more. (He basically used to pop in do some shopping - even though I did on a sunday and went to the betting shop for him).
At the time I told him, no chance, do what you and and I'll do what I can. BUT he roped Dad in it seems....

So Dads off "Well your brother has said you can't visit on a Saturday then".
Me : "Nope as I told him"
Dad : "Well if no-one is going to help me I'll have to go into a home"
I was SO mad......

Pointed out to him:-
1. He can use the bathroom and wash himself because hes got a converted shower and stairlift to get up stairs (both of which I sorted after a fight with him).
2. He can cook for himself with no problems and he could have "meals on wheels" every day if he wasn't so tight with money.
3. He has someone to clean for him (once a fortnight and he moans about the cost of that).
4. He can go out and do shopping if he wants on the mobility scooter I bought him (but he can't be bothered)
5. I've offered MANY times that food delivery is an option but he point blank refuses.

Also said, that beating on the horses is NOT a basic human requirement (and see point 4 anyway!). So where exactly does he get the idea that he can't cope and needs to go into a home?

I also pointed out that, yes if he wants to go into a home then I'm happy to arrange it. However, he needs to remember, in the UK, if its medically necessary (and they are very strict) then it will be funded (so hes got no chance) otherwise its £600 a week average in our area. (Because of the savings hes got that he refuses to spend)

<<Silence>>

[NumbLotus]

Next time he says he'll need to go into a home, don't argue. Just say, "So I guess it's time, then?"

And chuckle very quietly in your head as you watch him backtrack.

[p123]

Next time he says he'll need to go into a home, don't argue. Just say, "So I guess it's time, then?"

And chuckle very quietly in your head as you watch him backtrack.

Yep I did. The shock was there in his face. Hes not very good at reading the mood is Dad. He expected me to fall to the floor wailing and screaming "No Dad! We'll NEVER put you away in a home".

Personally I think he;'d be better off and happier. Nothing makes Dad happier than people fussing over him. At least in a home they get paid  (not enough to deal with my Dad though!)

[NumbLotus]

Yeah, you landed on that but only after pointing out that list of things. I bet he enjoyed your anger a bit.

If you jump right to "okay" (totally Medium Chill) he may well never pull that one again. AND you are allowed to enjoy his squirming.

[p123]

Yeah, you landed on that but only after pointing out that list of things. I bet he enjoyed your anger a bit.

If you jump right to "okay" (totally Medium Chill) he may well never pull that one again. AND you are allowed to enjoy his squirming.

Yeh I know. OKAY is the best one to do. Will try to be calm for next time lol.

My wifes a District/Community Nurse (do u call it Visiting Nurse in the US?). The stories she tells me about elderly patients she sees, how ill they are, how they've got no family  who visit them etc. Then I see my Dad who pretty much is in good health for his age, got two sons who help him out when they can, but he still acts like a helpless baby and does not care about anyone else.

[NumbLotus]

Yeah we call them visiting nurses. I bet your wife sees the entire gamut of humanity, from horrid to lovely and mostly in between.

[lkdrymom]

This one takes the biscuit.....

Shortly before xmas (just before I went NC with brother), brother was off that my wife and I (yeh my wife really!) needed to see Dad more because he wasn't visiting all the time on a Saturday any more. (He basically used to pop in do some shopping - even though I did on a sunday and went to the betting shop for him).
At the time I told him, no chance, do what you and and I'll do what I can. BUT he roped Dad in it seems....

So Dads off "Well your brother has said you can't visit on a Saturday then".
Me : "Nope as I told him"
Dad : "Well if no-one is going to help me I'll have to go into a home"
I was SO mad......

Pointed out to him:-
1. He can use the bathroom and wash himself because hes got a converted shower and stairlift to get up stairs (both of which I sorted after a fight with him).
2. He can cook for himself with no problems and he could have "meals on wheels" every day if he wasn't so tight with money.
3. He has someone to clean for him (once a fortnight and he moans about the cost of that).
4. He can go out and do shopping if he wants on the mobility scooter I bought him (but he can't be bothered)
5. I've offered MANY times that food delivery is an option but he point blank refuses.

Also said, that beating on the horses is NOT a basic human requirement (and see point 4 anyway!). So where exactly does he get the idea that he can't cope and needs to go into a home?

I also pointed out that, yes if he wants to go into a home then I'm happy to arrange it. However, he needs to remember, in the UK, if its medically necessary (and they are very strict) then it will be funded (so hes got no chance) otherwise its £600 a week average in our area. (Because of the savings hes got that he refuses to spend)

<<Silence>>

You missed the perfect opportunity....."Ok Dad...how soon can you have your bags packed?  Need help with that, I bet wife would come over to help with that!"

[p123]

Yeah we call them visiting nurses. I bet your wife sees the entire gamut of humanity, from horrid to lovely and mostly in between.

She does. Ranging from horrible old people (like my Dad) to really nice old people who really make an effort and are struggling. This is why she finds him so hard to deal with.
In her words, heath wise she'd say hes in the top 5% best health for people his age but in the bottom 10% for attitude, and general approach.

[p123]

This one takes the biscuit.....

Shortly before xmas (just before I went NC with brother), brother was off that my wife and I (yeh my wife really!) needed to see Dad more because he wasn't visiting all the time on a Saturday any more. (He basically used to pop in do some shopping - even though I did on a sunday and went to the betting shop for him).
At the time I told him, no chance, do what you and and I'll do what I can. BUT he roped Dad in it seems....

So Dads off "Well your brother has said you can't visit on a Saturday then".
Me : "Nope as I told him"
Dad : "Well if no-one is going to help me I'll have to go into a home"
I was SO mad......

Pointed out to him:-
1. He can use the bathroom and wash himself because hes got a converted shower and stairlift to get up stairs (both of which I sorted after a fight with him).
2. He can cook for himself with no problems and he could have "meals on wheels" every day if he wasn't so tight with money.
3. He has someone to clean for him (once a fortnight and he moans about the cost of that).
4. He can go out and do shopping if he wants on the mobility scooter I bought him (but he can't be bothered)
5. I've offered MANY times that food delivery is an option but he point blank refuses.

Also said, that beating on the horses is NOT a basic human requirement (and see point 4 anyway!). So where exactly does he get the idea that he can't cope and needs to go into a home?

I also pointed out that, yes if he wants to go into a home then I'm happy to arrange it. However, he needs to remember, in the UK, if its medically necessary (and they are very strict) then it will be funded (so hes got no chance) otherwise its £600 a week average in our area. (Because of the savings hes got that he refuses to spend)

<<Silence>>

You missed the perfect opportunity....."Ok Dad...how soon can you have your bags packed?  Need help with that, I bet wife would come over to help with that!"

Haha yes I should have. But I did tell him the cost. Not that he'd believe me.

He'd be thinking - I pay £200 a month for my flat so it'd be the same. Yeh right - it was in the news recently. £600 per week average in wales....

[Orangeblossom77]

Does he get Attendance allowance? He could use it for a carer or takeaways or whatever

[qcdlvl]

Next time he says he'll need to go into a home, don't argue. Just say, "So I guess it's time, then?"

Nah, better yet: "Great idea! I've been thinking about that ever since you had so much trouble going to the gents' in the restaurant the other day, and you're struggling so much getting groceries..."

[p123]

Does he get Attendance allowance? He could use it for a carer or takeaways or whatever

Yep gets left in the hoarding bank account. £40K and growing. He won't spend it.

[Poison Ivy]

p123, your dad is living rent free in your brain.  It's time to evict him.

[p123]

p123, your dad is living rent free in your brain.  It's time to evict him.

Ha ha like that. Working on it!!!! :-)