Feeling particularly down right now

Crushed_Dad · January 06, 2020, 04:36:45 AM

New year new start and all that.....

Mentally just had a particularly rough 48 hours..... I'm questioning whether my ex is already starting things with other men and it's making me down. Theoretically we're separated so she has freedom to do whatever she wants but it doesn't make it any easier when you invested 100% in to something for 10 years and have children.

There's been a marked change in her behaviour since just before Xmas. Normally she'd be upset at the current situation, questioning how sad everything is, saying this isn't a life she wants for the children, querying what I'm doing etc etc, claims of love etc. Now nothing, any messages surrounding the children cut short and things kept to a minimum. To me this is a sign of two things, 1. there's some else in the background being love bombed to provide the new supply for her. 2. a realisation that she's been successful in her original aim. House, kids, belongings all provided for without any of the responsibility for making any of it happen, so free to pursue her way of bringing our kids up free of accountability.

This makes me sad for a few reasons, 1. I'm still hurting, this isn't how I wanted life to pan out for any of us. 2. It feels like she's proving she never really invested in our marriage and is quite happy to drop me to pick up the next person to use. As usual the words meant nothing 3. the unknown, that is beyond working all week every week and then seeing my kids one day at the weekend. 4. What happens when the kids do have super uncle XXXXXX when he eventually appears and gives them all the stuff their dad can't because he can't give them any more than love from a distance and the essentials. 5. a realisation that in terms of my future attractiveness to a partner I might as well have paedo tattooed on my forehead.

Crushed_Dad · January 06, 2020, 10:28:33 AM

knew it, she has been seeing someone for 3 weeks.

notrightinthehead · January 06, 2020, 12:01:43 PM

yes, amazing how quickly one can be replaced! And how hurtful!

Crushed_Dad · January 06, 2020, 01:01:51 PM

Utterly fuming, words cannot convey the disgust I feel towards this creature.

GettingOOTF · January 06, 2020, 04:37:17 PM

I used my exes preoccupation with his new relationship to push through the divorce.

I know it's hurtful to feel replaced like this, but for me it was somewhat of a gift.

I gently suggest again that you contact an attorney. The reality of who gets what is very different than what your wife appears to think it is.

Good luck.

Whatthehey · January 06, 2020, 05:46:01 PM

I don't know where you live crushed dad but when I consulted with an attorney I was pleasantly surprised how well the courts handle things here. There was very little to negotiate and the courts had it all laid out - no real wiggle room.

As for her seeing someone, notrightinthehead has a point. Now is a good time to push through a divorce - she is in the love bubble and you may be able to negotiate better terms for the children.

As for yourself, don't be too hard. It does suck. Absolutely. Do what you need to purge those feelings and keep moving forward.

Crushed_Dad · January 06, 2020, 06:31:11 PM

I've been told by several sources her new man is an active drug user. I don't know what that means in terms of custody allocation???

11JB68 · January 06, 2020, 06:54:41 PM

Crushed, so sorry for how you feel. Also horrified if what you've heard about the new guy is true and if he had contact with your children! Consult your lawyer on that ASAP.
I've always said if someone else wants my uocpdh good luck to them!

Medowynd · January 07, 2020, 03:21:17 AM

Strike while the iron is hot. Take advantage of her distractions and get with your attorney and get your documents filed. You have a future ahead of you and the ex is making her dismal future for herself.

Crushed_Dad · January 07, 2020, 08:41:19 AM

I will take a bet that her romance either fizzles out within 5 months if this guy is what I think he is or she'll be pregnant at 46 by the end of 2021

GettingOOTF · January 07, 2020, 09:05:50 AM

If he is who you say he is the issue is less her romance and more the impact it will have in your children and their safety.

I really hope you find the strength to help them.

Crushed_Dad · January 07, 2020, 09:18:18 AM

He has 4 children himself and divorced in last 18 months. I'm less concerned of that now I've found out a bit more. He boxes and he looks aggressive. She will love bomb him for 2-3 months, move him in to my house and after a month or 6 weeks it'll be make or break. If he can tolerate what's coming his way that's his choice but I think it'll be over by then and she'll have burnt a few more bridges. I shouldn't even be writing this as I shouldn't care but sadly I do

Crushed_Dad · January 08, 2020, 09:57:17 AM

It's almost laughable now, so 6 weeks separated, 2 weeks in she's sleeping with another guy, 2 events at Xmas and she didn't say anything. After lots of trying she finally fesses up. Me - living in dad's spare room, see kids 7 hours a week, 4K a year added in travel costs, no social network other than family, friends now reconnecting glad to have their mate "free" again.

To top it off I went to the house yesterday to get loads of my stuff. In one of my old drawers she'd put all her new slapper lingerie. Classy lady.

Today she's emailing me about trying to reinstate the weekend visit she took away 48 hours earlier, then about a joint party for eldest DS with a boy who's dad is friends with the guy she's having sex with. She's also informed me boiler fix is £350 and when do I get paid so she can have the housekeeping money.

The brass neck on this woman is absolutely unbelievable. My responses to each...

Staying with me - Whatever makes the kids happiest
Joint Party - I will be making my own arrangements for the children's birthdays going forward.
Boiler repairs - No reply whatsoever.
Payday - reiterated my pay schedule for all months. Specifically said that money is to support the children.