Sister triangulating through niece.

[nanotech]

I'm now getting messages by proxy in order to try to stir things up with me.
I try to keep low contact going. There's no real contact but I keep text lines open with three family members. I do this because we have my dad in common. 
But they use this to  be passive aggressive and to discard when possible.
I think I might block them.

I've accepted the discarding over the last decade.

No regular face to face or phone contact. The PDs  have ghosted and have been passive aggressive,  where there are uninterested in the chat ( if it's good news, basically)x.
The passive aggressive comments relate to my NOT being on Facebook with any FOO.

Then something  negative happens internationally, that could affect my family. . They are invested in bad news in terms of retrieving supply through feeling superior.

Soooo they are suddenly texting me asking
' if everything is ok?'

As if the discard never happened.

Just thought I'd put it on here. It seems to help to write this stuff out and look at it. It stops me falling back down that rabbit hole.

Messages  came under the guise of sympathy for something that she ' feels might be affecting us, 'so she's 'sending her thoughts.'
Nothing if not totally inconsistent!

As usual, everything they do is deniable. They look like they are being caring. But actually it's an effort by them, to patronise and even to shame us.
It's an exercise in cruel finger pointing,  dressed up as love.
Not playing, sorry ( not sorry).

[Penny Lane]

That's very frustrating but I'm glad you seem to have a good head about it. Keep on carrying on - it's hard but life is better this way.

[nanotech]

Thanks Penny Lane. It's difficult yes. I've taken a huge step back from them and their nonsense, and they absolutely hate it.
They just don't see why I'm not on Facebook with them.  Texts I get have PA digs in them about how easy it was to send everyone else a message through a group chat but as I'm not on messenger or Facebook she hopes I've received the photo?
Yes. Texts work.
I don't do group chats and Facebook is a playground for narcissists. So no family of origin for me!  I was on there with one sibling ( enabling sis) till fairly recently, but politely withdrew and said it was a bit much for me right now. She said she understood, but the reaction of niece gives me the sense that UNPDsis is now trying to work through her, and I can see that previously they were all clearly using this one sibling to gain info and also to try to mess with my head as much as possible.
I stepped back from UNPDsis a few years ago and it's clear she replaced me with enabling sis as her new flying monkey and general mouthpiece. That's why Facebook was getting tricky again despite my having blocked her.. The other thing were the group chats on messenger which I withdrew from, because UNPDsis would use them  to bully and taunt, and UNPD Brother would use to passive aggressively command, accuse and abuse.(He tried anyway).
Brother didn't  need the group audience to get nasty, but sister preferred one.
I have very strong boundaries with brother now as far as texting is concerned. He does the same thing, discarding for long periods,not answering my texts at all, then all of a sudden there's engulfing behaviour where he abuses and ignores my boundaries.
I've told told him recently that we haven't a close relationship, it's a shame but there it is. I said  I'll only discuss our dad on text with him,  and only if it's a ( real) medical crisis. 
That induced a nasty raging text, accusing me of not being as important as him nor having as many friends as him, ( ?) which I didn't answer. He waited a few hours as he was hoping I think for an escalation.
He then messaged my daughter to say he was ' concerned ' about me! I had sent him a strange text! Was I alright?  He tried to charm my daughter and flatter her, telling her she was the eldest and the most important child so he had selected HER and not my other children!  I'm sure he's done all this with my niece. I know he talke to her about how unstable her mother is. I think he's now hoping to put me into that category too!

When challenged about her toxic behaviour, UNPDsis  would sometimes own up and apologise but then blame her mental health. What about my mental health?  After some interim love - bombing she would return to toxic behaviour.
This over -the- top text from niece,  with video and photos,  arrived after a previous, very long discard from her. Radio silence and tumbleweed for weeks.
  The photos  and video were  of my dad, dressed up, and singing in a pub. Great.  He's taken up singing since mum died, and my niece has convinced him he's amazing, and follows him round filming him. He can hold a tune but that's about it! At the beginning of the video he can be seen shouting instructions to my niece about when / how to take the video/ photos!
I really didn't need to see them and I've now deleted them.
I hear great things from dad about how these 'gigs' went, and how much better he performed than the paid entertainment! How everyone loved  him and clapped and clapped and shouted for more!
Then I see the actual  film of him singing really not very well, at times forgetting his words and I see the pub isn't " packed out" and I  hear the people in the pub talking and laughing  while he performs. I don't think he realises that they seemed to  patronise/ tolerate him a bit, because of his age.
Does my niece realise? I've no idea.

[Orangeblossom77]

Hi I have also come off FB and had some comments about it. and had the messages through my young niece as well. It's not nice.

Mine had my young niece telling me things like Granny says to say hello (after NC) and my sibling just allowing it. I just said thanks (it was in person) and just left it at that.

PS I felt better off FB, hope you do as well.

[nanotech]

It's tricky isn't it?
I think it's just a case of not reacting to any tactics they might use to coax us to return to the old system they know and love so so well.
Trouble is they always play the ' family should be  close' card.
My family are NOT close with me.
They don't do face to face visits. They don't ring me to see how I am. They don't want to meet up for shopping or an event
I've tried over the years, to get closer to them, believe me.
They get no supply from functional relationships, so they don't practise them.
They like spying though, and miss being able to post toxic comments to me on Facebook, and on also on four way messenger( sibling bullying). Spying used to be followed by  digs, criticisms, point scoring  and/or downright malicious behaviour.
All I've done is  block them -to stop enabling that.
The other thing they like to do is occasional  meal meet -ups in a restaurant for dads's birthday or  Father's Day. The atmosphere is always fulll of pretence that we are close, then after dramatic hugs all round, goes down the passive aggressive  motorway . They won't see me on my own because they need the numbers- they need  the PDs to outnumber the non PDs . It turns into a very stressful day. It used to extend by dad inviting everyone back to his home for a cup of tea. That's when it used to get really toxic.
I don't do this any more.
I still love them but I don't like them very much.
I keep myself safe and bask in the unconditional love I get from my FOC.

[Orangeblossom77]

 Yes, I understand. I started getting memes on FB about "I love my (insert sister / brother / whatever)" but they don't interact in other ways it is all a sort of show? Alternating between these hoovering type things and then negative 'are you OK" things like you. And they seem to like the negative things that happen and having a false 'concern' maybe making them look good, not sure?

Anyway I guess just ignore it and maybe it will settle down in time. FB in general is unpleasant and hope you enjoy the break. At least people can talk here also.

[nanotech]

Thanks so much Orangeblossom.
They've left me alone for the time being, all quiet right now. The birthday has passed.
It will probably all start again around Father's Day.
I appreciate everyone's support on here! Thanks guys x.