Can it be true...could she REALLY do THAT?

[freedom77]

Okay guys...this is going to sound soooo crazy. And I feel quite silly even posting it, but it's been gnawing at me...

Last year I allowed BPD/N mother to live with me and my young daughter. I know..right? But to be fair, i was DEEP in the FOG, and it was thick as pea soup.

I am just now beginning to suspect that she poisoned me with her prozac. I say poisoned, because to me, surreptitiously lacing one's food or beverages with a substance is as good as poisoning them. You haven't a right to cause someone to ingest something unbeknownst to them.

I'm thinking this now because recently my daughter and I were swiping thru photos on the cell phone, and I noticed how awful I looked in them. Granted this could be due to stress level of having to live with mother at the time...but my face was DIFFERENT. It was puffy, misshapen. The bloated look many get from medications, antidepressants to name one. My eyes had a numbed out look to them. I began to think about how awful I felt at the time. Again...could have been the circumstances.

But I was always severely tired, I'd nap on every day off, very out of character for me. I lost all interest in pleasurable activities or being social. I was more depressed and even had suicidal thoughts VERY unlike me. A few times when I drank alcohol, I blacked out and was horridly ill for days. I gained LOTS of weight, many clothes didn't fit anymore, despite having barely an appetite and not eating much at all. I felt strange too, like numbed out, not myself at all. My face was so puffy, pale, and drawn. My hair thinned, even my eyebrows. Colleagues took notice too of how different I looked, and a few close ones asked if I was ill, stated face was so pale and I didn't look well.

I went to doctor, but vitals and blood, and thyroid were all normal. Weight was 40 pounds more!!

Since telling mother we cannot live together, and each of us getting our own apartments...I've changed again. My face looks more normal, the puffy look is gone and I'm not pale anymore.  My eyes shine and are not dulled. I'm slowly shedding the weight and was even able to slip into a pair of jeans today that I haven't been able to wear for well over a year. I don't have the emotional swings, and numbness anymore to my mood.

Again...could all be circumstance. I'm still very stressed out dealing with mother, but living together was a hell of a lot worse.

I know she never takes her prozac, she just picks up the Rx because if she doesn't play along like she's taking it, then she won't be prescribed her xanax, which she very much does want. She literally has dresser drawers FILLED to capacity with dozens of bottles of unused prozac.

I recall how every single day she would get up before dawn, same time as me, even though she didn't have to. I thought it was to get my day off to a shitty start by annoying me before I had to be to work, she would try to incite arguments, make comments, nag me about things, deliberately get in my way in the kitchen as I'm trying to get ready for the day. And I don't doubt that was part of her motive.

But also, I have a decades long habit of getting up early, putting my single serve keurig coffee on to brew first thing, leave it unsupervised to go in bathroom and do morning routine hygiene stuff, then come back down the stairs to retrieve coffee to drink.

She could have so easily put something in it every single day.  I felt so out of sorts during this time.

Interestingly, she also accused people of poisoning her. I've now realized she doesn't really believe this, it was a way to manipulate me. Different stories for a different day.

Could she actually have been doing that?? 

[FromTheSwamp]

Well, I know I for one would never eat or drink anything she'd had access to again.

[freedom77]

When I broke the news to her that I wouldn't be renewing the lease on the big house I rented for us, she went absolutely ballistic.

It was a tantrum of all tantrums. She screamed and raged a days long tirade at me. Told me she HATED ME!! Couldn't stand me. Slammed banged around. The whole enchilada. I calmly stated well all the more reason for us not to live together 

Sadly, daughter witnessed the whole thing.

When I got this apartment, she stuck her hand out asking where HER key to it was. I said they only gave me one, which actually was true, but that's not really the point. She then cornered me on when I would make HER copy. I didn't want daughter to have to witness another rage out, so I said when I can get around to it, i.e., NEVER.

There have been times in my younger years I would always give her a key to my place, and she abused the privilege by coming over to snoop thru my private things while I was working. She read my old flame's love letters, poetry, poured over bills and other highly personal stuff...and then she'd have the audacity to question me about info she found...!!! She did this a lot during my childhood too.  I recall her reading my diary aloud to my brothers and her boyfriend when I was 8. As a teen, she'd regularly trash my room. Rip my band posters off the wall into shreds, throw my clothes and accessories around, use my make up and perfume, even borrow some of my clothes which she looked ridiculous in!

Anyway, I won't allow her in this apartment. She hasn't stepped foot in here.  And I no longer will eat or drink anything she prepares.

For Thanksgiving, she made a spaghetti dish. I wasn't planning to do much for Thanksgiving since it's just me and my daughter, but she played on daughter's heart strings, and so daughter nagged me to go over there.

Stupidly, I ate a dish of the spaghetti that she brought me from her kitchen in HER new apartment     and within in half an hour, I was passed out on her couch, woke groggy with a terrible headache, and didn't feel right for days.

So crazy or not, I'm highly suspicious of her. And no, I will never eat or drink anything from her again. And she's not been allowed in this new place of mine. And never will be. 

[FogDawg]

I just responded to another thread of yours and feel even more justified now in saying that you need this woman out of your life. She very well may have slipped her medication into the food

[freedom77]

I feel very confident she's very much capable of doing that.  I'll never know for sure if she did, but the capability is definitely there.

Yes I need to escape from her once and for all. I have full intention to do so, but can't until summer's end due to being snared by a work contract and apartment lease, both of which would cost me considerable money to get out of. Plus I need to save up money to move. So it's a lose-lose.

I just keep counting the days. I made us get our own apartments in October, and January is nearly half over!! So time is passing!!

I think back on how I ever allowed her to get so enmeshed in our lives...the FOG is what did it.  But I'm not in that dreary place anymore, my vision has been restored. And my daughter and I are moving far, far away.

[Cecilia13]

I just responded to another thread of yours and feel even more justified now in saying that you need this woman out of your life. She very well may have slipped her medication into the food

I agree.  Your mother sounds dangerous.  Can you find other child care arrangements for your daughter?  Is she old enough to stay at home alone? Can she go to a friend's house after school? I would be hesitant to leave your daughter alone with her.

[SparkStillLit]

It absolutely is considered poisoning if someone puts some substance in your food or drink, and it sounds as if you've been poisoned. Multiple times.  Get far away from this dangerous woman and touch NOTHING she has prepared or even had access to.
Scary!!!!

[MamaDryad]

I just commented on your other thread and hadn't read this yet. Adding my voice to the chorus saying that I would do literally anything to avoid having this person look after my kid.

I know her relationship with your daughter has been different from her relationship with you, which may have made you feel that she'd never harm her... but you yourself have said that that's changing. She's starting to sense her control over both of you slipping, and that's why she's accusing your daughter of being sneaky, lying, etc.

To use BPD terms, she used to have you split one way (bad) and your daughter the other (good). That's changing as she realizes you are pulling away and your daughter is starting to see through her. She's very dangerous to both of you now.

[StayWithMe]

You see family members trying to kill each other all the time on Forensic Files, so no, I would not reject out of hand that a family member is trying to poison a friend / acquaintance.