Negativity

[11JB68]

I honestly don't know if this is a 'pd trait' out not, but updh's general negativity is pervasive.

[SparkStillLit]

Same. I feel as though I've "caught" it like the flu, too, and I really try to watch myself. Kids, too. It's not natural to any of us.

[blunk]

My BPDxh was extremely negative, to the point where it almost seemed paranoid.

If a traffic light turned from green to red while he was approaching it was...oh this happens to me whenever I come this way. If the person ahead in the grocery line needed a price check or slowed the line for some other reason it was...as soon as I get into the line blah blah blah. It was as if nothing ever "just happened", it always happened to him (if that makes sense).

[BeautifulCrazy]

I see the negativity too!!
I think to myself, it is a reflection of how angry and dissatisfied PDh is inside.
Also, growing up with his super critical, judgemental mother in his FOO... when I hear or see her, its easy to imagine how he would be conditioned from early childhood to pick out those negative things. The negatives are definitely the only things he points out or chooses to comment on and he is brilliant at minimizing or denying the good things. Is this a PD thing? I don't know.
We non-PDs have turned the negative / positive into a bit of a game among ourselves.The kids call it darksiding / brightsiding. When PDh drops one of his usual "darkside" negative comments or criticisms, we try to come up with the quickest, best, funniest, cleverest, most crazy "brightside". When someone tosses out a "brightside", (I'm especially prone to those, being a mom lol) we all scramble for a silly "darkside". I know sometimes PDh is annoyed and feels disrespected but, sheesh! these are the things that keep the rest of us sane! Its our personal spin on the medium chill technique and it keeps us from being as emotionally invested as we used to be. Like Spark pointed out, moods can easily be contagious.

blunk, mine is like that too! Everything random is somehow personal! I think my PD attracts all those negative experiences with his negative expectations. (self fulfilling prophecy)  I suppose it could also be his 'magnetic' personality. (law of attraction)
On the bright side... those irrational negatives can be some of the most fun because of their sheer rediculousness!!

[Fortuna]

Mine is negative enough my DH privately calls her a 'turd in the punchbowl' nearly every time we interact. The only time she's not is when she's doing the love bombing thing, then it's happy and light and complimenting everything like I walked into a Disney Princess movie cartoon. This last time she couldn't even hold to that long enough to not start scapegoating my youngest for perceived slights.

[Poison Ivy]

My ex-husband, like his father before him, tends to be negative. 

[eyesopen]

My uBPDw (as of the last couple days, stbxw) is very frequently negative about almost everything.  If I make a suggestion for dinner, she complains about it but doesn't offer an alternative.  If we have plans to go somewhere, she'll often say how she doesn't want to go because it's going to be an awful time.  If her doctor wants to test for something, she's certain that she has whatever medical problem or something worse.  If someone compliments her, they must be lying and secretly judging her.  If someone asks her for something, they must have a hidden agenda.  She fears that I'm going to abandon her, so she has sex with other men and lies to me about it.  It's endless.

A big problem that results from all the negativity is her ability to create a self-fulfilling prophesy.  That is, if she believes something negative will happen, her choices/mood/actions (whether it's intentional or unintentional) ensure that the negative outcome occurs.  It's a twist on the saying, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."  And when she sees the negative outcome she predicted, it only serves to reinforce her negativity and the cycle continues...

[StayWithMe]

It's a twist on the saying, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."  And when she sees the negative outcome she predicted, it only serves to reinforce her negativity and the cycle continues...

but don't lose sight of how this sentiment can turn into a stick to beat others with.  Someone who is doing a "risk assessment" trying realistic is quite often villified for being negative.  I've learned to keep negative thoughts to my self. Or else you hear "you always said this would not work out."  or "you never liked her anyway."

[11JB68]

Thx all for the affirmation.
Yes I had fleas from this also.

I think I'm much better now.
I also try not to jade and just mc his negativity and it seems to defuse it.

[eyesopen]

Good point that being realistic can sometimes sound negative.  When voicing things myself, I try to offer both sides even if the optimistic outcome seems unlikely.  "It looks like x/y/z are likely to happen and it may not go well.  But if a/b/c happens instead, things could turn out well.  I don't know if that'll happen, but we'll see."

That's very different from W's perspective when she's being negative.  All she says is negative and any attempts at highlighting a possible optimistic outcome are ignored or dismissed.

And a quick rewrite to my previous message:  "And when she sees creates the negative outcome she predicted, it only serves to reinforce her negativity and the cycle continues..."

[StayWithMe]

Good point that being realistic can sometimes sound negative.  When voicing things myself, I try to offer both sides even if the optimistic outcome seems unlikely.  "It looks like x/y/z are likely to happen and it may not go well.  But if a/b/c happens instead, things could turn out well.  I don't know if that'll happen, but we'll see."

That's very different from W's perspective when she's being negative.  All she says is negative and any attempts at highlighting a possible optimistic outcome are ignored or dismissed.

And a quick rewrite to my previous message:  "And when she sees creates the negative outcome she predicted, it only serves to reinforce her negativity and the cycle continues..."

I think if someone gives reason why something may not work out or why a certain person may rub you the wrong way, then these are not capricious thoughts. 

I understand how annoying negativity can be.  It can be used to belittle someone on all fronts .... even on matters that just aren't serious like a favorite celebrity and so on.

[NumbLotus]

There is a big difference between "this has not gone well in the past and I don't have high hopes" and "the light always has to turn red right when I get there / this guy had to hold up the line just to be an ass / this person who has never cheated me is going to cheat me / this piece of good news is somehow bad / etc."

[StayWithMe]

There is a big difference between "this has not gone well in the past and I don't have high hopes" and "the light always has to turn red right when I get there / this guy had to hold up the line just to be an ass / this person who has never cheated me is going to cheat me / this piece of good news is somehow bad / etc."

True but there will always be those who will take what you say out of context and use it against.

Besides,  "the light always turns red when I get near it" is just a tongue remark.

[Poison Ivy]

Persistent negativity can be a sign of depression.  I have sympathy for people with depression. I also think that people who recognize that they have depression and who have the means to seek treatment have an obligation to do so, at least if they have children.  Having a depressed parent can harm a child, particularly if the other parent doesn't step up to balance the depressed parent's negativity (f that is a symptom) and to take over functions the depressed parent is unable to perform.

[StayWithMe]

I see negativity as a sign of arrogance.  It also blows the cover on ignorance.So yes, the negative person insecure.  However,  they may still be influential so it's necessary to make sure  that they are not talking about you.

I try to pre empt negative people.  For example, I have told my mother "I don't want you coming to my place because you'll probably find it raggedy-ass the same as you found my other homes.

[NumbLotus]

I think some negativity is depression - that's the kind my H is having, as I knew him before he got ill - and some is just being a narcissistic ass.

[11JB68]

Stay with me.... Negativity as arrogance is interesting. A lot of uocpdh's negativity had to do with something or other not being to his liking or up to his standards. That totally goes along with ocpd traits.

[ICantThinkOfAName]

IMO negativity is the victim mentality... Oh whoa is me... everything always falls on me to blah blah blah.  Everything sucks, this computer is broken.  Me pressing one key and magically fixes computer.  It always works for you!  Why???? ughhh....

It highlights the need for them to NEVER be responsible or at fault.  So if they really think they are never at fault or that maybe THINGS just happen... then yeah the world is out to get them...

[StayWithMe]

When you're negative about other people, it's arrogance.  You assume that you have the expert to put someone down for whatever.

When one is negative about onself, yes, it's about insecurity.