Mother...

[Fresh Cilantro]

I have tried numerous times to introduce myself and I keep changing the text and redoing it and then I just cry so I stop.

What a wonderful place!
I have been lurking for a couple of years and finally had the courage to attempt to join in.
Isolation just feels so much safer.
There is none of the recoil... the freeze-out... the "wait... wut? You are how old and you still let your mother affect you?" (I am almost 61)
People raised by non-PD parents just cannot comprehend.
I hate mother's day. They don't have a section for "I am only buying this card because society says I gotta. You are a mean person and I am glad that I survived you"
The tiny person in me still wants my mommy to like me but the grown-up knows that is never gonna happen.
I am no longer constantly angry nor afraid of her.
She has lost her control.
And she is getting dramatically worse in her manipulative attempts.
Add to it that she is 87 and failing physically.
And she won't talk to me about making a plan.
So I guess her plan is to crash and burn and let me clean up the debris.
I struggle with the delightful and intoxicating idea of just walking away...
Am I being a martyr to attempt to help her in her dimished state?
dunno
just don't want my heart to harden.
Don't want to become her.

Glad to be here!

Namaste!

[Penny Lane]

Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

A lot of what you said is going to be familiar to a lot of people here. I hope you feel less alone.

Your'e in a tough spot and I hope the people here will offer the advice or support you need.

And on the mothers day cards ... I firmly believe PD's are why they make blank notecards with a VERY bland picture on the front.

[FogDawg]

And on the mothers day cards ... I firmly believe PD's are why they make blank notecards with a VERY bland picture on the front.

A very dreary-looking card with a crying child sitting on the steps and parent with arms crossed and stern expression standing behind them would be the ideal choice

Greetings, Fresh Cilantro. It took me some time to finally convince myself to make the jump and join in as well. Know that you are not alone in the battle.

[Fresh Cilantro]

Thanks so much! Awesome knowing there are people who TOTALLY get it!

[Thru the Rain]

Welcome!

I'm not too far behind you - 54 years old and still working out issues with my upbringing.

I can totally relate to the Mother's Day card dilemma! Lucky for me, my Mom loves the elaborate cards with pop-ups or cut-outs. I can usually buy one of those with nothing pre-written inside, and just write in Happy Mother's Day myself. No mushy sentiment that I don't mean.

You've come to a wonderful place. I lurked for awhile too before posting, and even now I rarely start any posts. But when I do, the support is always so positive. And sometimes the "tough love" is really spot on.

[treesgrowslowly]

Ugh. Mothers day. You hit the nail in the head there for me as well.

My 2 cents regarding your fear of becoming like her. You won't. You are you. She is her. Narc mothers pile on a special combination of enmeshment and toxicity that people without PD parents cannot fully understand. The narc mother is unable to accept the basics for all healthy relationships: respect and boundaries. 

She weaponizes the desire her daughter has, the desire to learn from her and feel nurtured. I know this because I lived it, got away from it, and worked hard to recover from it to the extent that I can. I remember well the stage in my process where I feared becoming like her. I now know this will never happen.

Glad you found this forum.

Trees