Meeting up with my NPD ex for closure

[fish2019]

After not seeing each other for six months since he discarded me for another girl, we met up the other night to talk about everything.

He denied cheating (other than the girls I know about already). He admitted he knows he was emotionally abusive to me and highly manipulative, when I asked why he said such horrible things to me he said 'to make it easier on myself'.

When we spoke about him getting therapy he said 'I know, I want to. But, I'll spend the whole time trying to figure out the therapist.'

It was somewhere between date-like with him stroking my arm and saying that he loved me (although I guess he could have meant that in a non-romantic sense?) and then on the flip side quite friend-zoney, saying stuff like 'I'm glad we can be friends'.

He quite quickly told me that things aren't working out with the girl he left me for, that she's too high drama and he knows he needs to end it. They were due to go away together this weekend but told me he 'doesn't want to go'. He also said she was too foreign for him culturally...

It ended amicably, he insisted he drove me home. When he got out of the car he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. So he didn't try to make a move on me or anything.

Later that night however things got weird. I noticed I'd gotten seven calls from a number I didn't know, I messaged him to ask if it was his girlfriend's other number (she has two phones, I'd blocked the one she contacted me on before) and he said yes it was and that he thinks she wasn't happy that he'd blanked her after leaving me.

Makes you wonder what was said or done to get that frantic reaction from her and why?  Did he deliberately meet with me to make her insecure?

I don't know if I got true closure, but maybe the closure is knowing that I'll never know the full truth and that the girl he left me for didn't make him any happier... or at least that's what he wants me to think anyway.

[BeautifulCrazy]

Congratulations, you got triangulated!! And hoovered too since you met up with him again.

Makes you wonder what was said or done to get that frantic reaction from her and why?

Doesn't matter. It was probably mostly lies. Its a win and another win for him since he got lots of your attention and lots of hers too.

Did he deliberately meet with me to make her insecure?

Yes, he did. And to get your attention as well. He will sleep well knowing you are both thinking incessantly of him.

[BeautifulCrazy]

I think going No Contact is the only "closure" you can get with NPDs.

[GettingOOTF]

You need to walk your own path, but my experience is that you get no closure other then the closure you give yourself by going NC and working on yourself.

Some of the things you mention are classic Hoover attempts, not to mention the same song almost all cheaters sing.

The only high drama person in this triangle is him. He’s clearly loving every second and went home and told his GF everything about your meeting, probably adding what a great girlfriend you were and how you desperately  want him back.

Closure for me came with NC and working on myself. My ex is up to his same tricks with someone else now. I’m off living my best life. I genuinely wish the same for you.

[fish2019]

Thanks everyone, I'm working on what's mentally blocking me from going no contact. Maybe the fear of letting go of what I thought that relationship would be.

I haven't heard from him since and with the current COVID-19 situation it's a good time to get some physical and mental distance to work on what's going on there/remember there are far, far more important things to think about right now.

[Hazy111]

You never get closure from them. Its down to you.