Pretty sure my father tried to sabotage me at work.

[newlife33]

I received an email from my boss last night that was of a personal matter.  She never addresses me by my first name, but she did in this e-mail and it seemed very formal.

Today she called me in and informed me that someone had found my sobriety journal article I wrote about three years ago on a blog site. They submitted the blog to the superintendent of the school system.  My boss said that only one person seemed to know about it, and word had not spread yet.

I was shocked and still am.  After going to the site I found the blog and looked at it.......There was a "like" and a follow from my former father!!!!!!!! It was from about a month and a half ago.  I was again in shock.

This week is also the anniversary of the passing of my enabler mother.  I really believe that my dad found the blog last month and planned to use it as a tool against me.  If he submitted it that would enrage me into breaking contact, or get me in trouble and have me need to come crawling back to him.

Thank god I have always been honest with my boss and she knows my past and is supportive.  It was a non issue, but I can't deny the anger and emotional angst I feel both because I feel a bit that it is my fault for posting something like that and also that he found it.

I feel so violated.  Even though I can't prove he was the one who gave the blog in, the mere fact that he found it a few months ago, and that it was such a small thing in the internet really scares me and shows me just how crazy he is to try and establish contact.  It's been a peaceful 3 years NC and I plan to keep it that way.

[GettingOOTF]

Wow! I am so sorry this happened to you. It's stuff like this that I worry about with my family. This is exactly the kind of thing they'd do to me.

Your post made me so angry. It's the sense of entitlement, that nothing is more important that their needs and feelings. It gives quite a bit of insight into what growing up must have been like for you.

My family never like to see anyone succeed and be happy, and my family have zero boundaries. I totally get your very valid feeling of being violated.

[FogDawg]

That is horrible. I am so sorry. I'm glad that you have a boss who is understanding and supportive of what you are dealing with. This situation should definitely reinforce that you made the right decision in estranging. Also, congratulations on remaining sober; we all have our demons to deal with and I give you credit.

[M0009803]

He did it to elicit a response.

To hurt you like he thinks your NC hurt him.

Been there with my own family.  Best response is to do whay you are doing: ignore him, and talk it out with those that understand.   

[newlife33]

He did it to elicit a response.

To hurt you like he thinks your NC hurt him.

Been there with my own family.  Best response is to do whay you are doing: ignore him, and talk it out with those that understand.   

Thank you to everyone who posted for the kind words, and this quote in particular. I hadn't considered (or cared about) the pain he is in from losing his source of supply. He probably sees this act as a way to get me back and get back the upper hand.

[StayWithMe]

I hope you can get some good legal advice to deal with your father. Does your union provide legal advice?

[freedom77]

Well...two things come to mind for me...if it was him, it was to either initiate a response, and subsequently contact, or to be vindictive.
Borderlines/narcissists are notorious for their ruthlessly vindictive, vengeful natures.
I had something very similar happen to me nearly 20 years ago.
I was in my early 20s and had gone NC with dysfunctional family, at the helm of which, my BPD/N mother.

She was enraged, as I expected her to be.
About a year passed, and I was just living my life...
Then I got called into the office at my job.
I was fired.

*Someone* called and informed them that I was once a stripper and prostitute, and was even arrested for it. Whether or not it was true, didn't matter. The damage was done. I lost my job, and felt very humiliated.

The truth is I did work in a topless bar when I was 17 because being a teen who left home at age 15, it was hard to find a job because where I lived, teens were not hired unless they could prove they were attending school regularly. I couldn't get emancipated because my mother refused to comply, and I couldn't get my GED until I was 18. So yeah, I took a job in a dingy bikini bar. And yes, the bar was busted for hiring underage girls. But the "caller" fabricated a far, far more sinister version of events. The sad thing is...if one's teen daughter is working in a strip club and sleeping in a car, what kind of home did they leave in the first place...?

My job was secretarial, but the company worked with vulnerable populations, and was screened and accredited by strict regulatory bodies.

The company was small, and family owned and operated. They were fearful that if this *person* would phone them with such info, *the person* may also do other things that could taint and harm their business's reputation in the community, thus they couldn't keep me on anymore due to this risk.

Mission accomplished.

I found another job within two weeks...and life went on...but I always suspected it was the signature handiwork of BPD/N mother, and I was angry and embarrassed. The age-old childhood fear I had carried around like rocks in my pocket all thru childhood returned.

What next, I wondered.

Even being  NC, she was still able to get to me.

You're fortunate that your boss knows what's up, and you were insightful with the forethought to be transparent and honest about your past.

My advice to you is to keep on, keeping on...word will get back to the *offender* that you are still employed at current job...their dirty little trick having not accomplished what they'd hoped.

Don't react, don't contact parent...just keep living your life. Best "revenge" ever.

It's perfectly understandable to feel violated, because YOU WERE. It's just like a narcissist to invalidate a person, having no regard for your feelings, your experiences, your successes, or anything else that differentiates you as an individual PERSON separate from them and their need for supply.

Maybe delete the blog? Just in case this *person* decides to go further with it, and start a smear campaign against you in any way they can. The only thing is, once something is on the internet, there's no real taking it back. The offender can screenshot it, download it, etc...

Keep in mind though, they are committing harassment, and attempting to slander you, even though the blog may be true and written by you, they are using it in a slanderous manner. Where I live, there's a law against cyber-stalking, and this person is definitely cyber-stalking you and is committing harassment. If you keep your blog up, maybe add that info as a little disclaimer. With some detective work, you could potentially figure out who it is with IP addresses being recorded, and the cyber footprints we all leave.

[newlife33]

Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate everything. The blog was deleted and it was too long of a post to be screenshotted, so even if he screenshotted one or two things the whole thing isn't there and it's not enough to get me fired. It's interesting because I remember writing it now and I specifically and proud and happy of the fact that I edited it a lot and made it very basic and more just informative to help other people get through it.

And yes, I am going to Keep On Keepin On and living my best life and not contact them or do anything legal wise. Unfortunately in the current legal system if I was to get a restraining order or something like that, the opposite party would have a chance to speak out against it and court and that would make him win because he would have established contact again.

[BettyGray]

Freedom77 - is that even legal? To fire someone because of their past occupation? I would have sought a lawyers’s advice. Who cares if it was a small company - their reasoning is discriminatory and flat out wrong.

If you had been a man with a similar past, he would not have been fired. This is slut-shaming at its worst (not calling you a slut- assuming you get my drift here - slut-shaming is a misogynistic, baneful way to fire someone).

Too bad it was 20 years ago. They were different times. This sort of dismissal would and should not be acceptable today. Not that you would want to continue working there- but still....

[freedom77]

Hello Liz1018

Lol it's okay, I know what you meant...it was 20 years ago, and the topless bar arrest thing 25 years ago, so 5 years prior to the firing. The job wasn't super superior by any means, just a receptionist/secretary entry level job, paying just a skosh above the minimum wage at the time.

I felt very embarrassed about being called into the office, and walked to the door while my co-workers whom I got along well with looked on bewildered, and  I was outraged toward "the caller".

That being said, the job wasn't worth fighting for. The economy was still in good shape as this was pre-911 and I quickly found an even better paying job within two weeks and was back on my feet like a cat.

You're right though, it didn't seem right, but I understood their position. They were working with disabled citizens and they worked very hard through the stringent approval processes of vetting and accreditation.

Anyway, relative to the OP, PDs/narcs are RUTHLESS...they will make it a goal to dismantle your accomplishments any way they can. I'm sure it was mother who was the mystery caller...and I'm sure she knew that the company would  not keep me on due to the sensitive nature of their work.

PD parents stop at nothing when they "perceive" they've been wronged by their "ungrateful" children, especially in matters of what they define loyalty as, and the disruption to continued tolerance of their abuse. Take away the attention and supply they are accustomed to...and beware.

I feel though, that if we stay strong and glue ourselves to a NC pledge in order to protect ourselves, then eventually we will drift further and further from their clutches, and as time passes and the less they are "in the know" the less they can do to us.