Successful nc with NMIL

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Spirit in the sky

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Successful nc with NMIL
« on: January 21, 2020, 03:54:29 AM »
I havenít been posting much here because I have continued my NC with NMIL.
Which has allowed me to concentrate on overcoming my issues with my own dysfunctional family and Iíve been making progress if you read my posts on the ĎElderlyí section.

At first I thought it was two separate issues my parents and my mother in law but I soon discovered it was my childhood conditioning that made me easy prey for my NMIL. And after 18 years of emotional abuse, controlling and manipulative behaviour I finally was able to piece together the jigsaw.

Itís seen 6 months since I went from vvvlc to nc with my NMIL. When my husband woke up to her behaviour she tried to use to reel him back in. Somehow I finally found the strength and courage to stand up to her and tell her not to contact me again. She tried for a while but I kept my defences in place and it was amazing when she realised I wasnít useful anymore she dropped me like a hot potato.

My husband decided to continue with vvvlc and heís learning not to fall for her trickery. She phoned on Christmas Day to say he ruined her Christmas and she spent the day in bed without any dinner. I think he did feel guilty but I couldnít have cared less and Iíve made it very clear to him, I donít answer the phone to her and she doesnít come to my house (not after the screaming and swearing  in the street).

I see absolutely no benefit from letting this woman back in my life and nc works for me. No contact isnít an option for my parents but I do have the self belief now that I doesnít deserve to be treating this way and I donít need anyoneís love or approval.

This YouTuber has really helped me and I wanted to share his work. He can be a bit long winded but stick with her and check out his other videos.

 https://youtu.be/aCyHIgb-o2Y

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Bloomie

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Re: Successful nc with NMIL
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2020, 11:19:48 AM »
Spirit - this is a great update!
Quote from: Spirt in the sky
I do have the self belief now that I doesnít deserve to be treating this way and I donít need anyoneís love or approval.

Love this empowered statement!
"If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow." Dr. Caroline Leaf

Bloomie 🌸

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Pepin

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Re: Successful nc with NMIL
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2020, 12:56:55 PM »
At first I thought it was two separate issues my parents and my mother in law but I soon discovered it was my childhood conditioning that made me easy prey for my NMIL. And after 18 years of emotional abuse, controlling and manipulative behaviour I finally was able to piece together the jigsaw.

Thank you for sharing your story.  I can definitely relate to the above.  Having come from a dysfunctional family, I easily fell right into PDMil's trap as well.  For years I felt that something was wrong but it was only last year that I finally had the aha moment and wrote her off for good.  While I have minimal contact with her now (since DH doesn't see the light) at least I can view her from a place of pity -- I am sad that she has had to take unhealthy measures to "help" herself live rather than looking inward and having some maturity.  Glad that I am not like her.  What a dreadful way to go through life.  I won't ever let her manipulate me again.
Why work so hard to have a relationship with someone that does not care the same way as you?

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

Born into a dysfunctional family and married into a dysfunctional family.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.