He Truly Hurt Me This Time

[Whatthehey]

I can't be very specific here in this post in case he sees it.  This time hurts more than anything he had done.   I have written before about the difficulties I have with my older DDs and their lack of acceptance of the situation.  They think I am loosing it and poor poor dad.  My son believes me but he is very tired of hearing about the divorce.  Even though I have rarely speak of it to him.  He has said it is all my fault.

Then this week happened.  This is worse than threatening me in the bank or hitting the wall in front of my face.  In the early hours of the morning I heard from my DD that she and my granddaughter were in town.  I had just seen my xOCPDh and he didn't say anything.  Although later I learned he had planned it three weeks before.  So they are staying with him and I only saw my granddaughter for an hour for breakfast.  That's it.  My DD left for a conference.  We have texted - the xh and I about our son but he does not respond when I ask to see our grand daughter.    She is only two miles away and I haven't seen.  They live 10 hours away so this is a unique time.  And her birthday is tomorrow.  I am broken inside.  Barely holding on.  I go from anger to sadness to frustration over and over.  She is so little and lived with us for four years from birth. 

My heart is breaking.

[notrightinthehead]

that must really hurt. I am so sorry. Sending you a big hug.

[Jsinjin]

Oh my, I'm so very sorry to read this and my heart goes out to you.    It sounds like a confluence of events all taking place at the same time.   

My advice and I am not a counselor is to:
1) take your own time for reflection and positive thoughts on your decisions at this point.    You made tough choices for yourself and your family and those benefits will arrive; they just will not arrive immediately.
2) maintain positive engagements with your children even if they  react in surprising and perhaps hurtful ways.    OCPD spouses leave "fleas"  all over the home and the behaviors can be picked up by children.    If they crave normalcy then you have to wait out the new normal that you are trying to bring.
3) pray and keep the reasons why you are taking these positive steps in front of you and do the things that establish the positive parts of life.  If that is putting away the dishes without criticism then do so and reflect on that.    If positive is taking a walk every morning knowing that when you return there are no eggshells to avoid in footfalls then take those steps daily.   

I can say that if you maintain positive, deliberate loving growth in your life then your children and Grand children will want that stability and nurturing relationship and this brief period of change will pass and be a memory.

You are in my prayers.

[Whatthehey]

Thank you jsinjin for your advice.  I have read it daily and keep it fresh to keep me grounded.  Especially when I want to howl with grief and anger.

Thank you notrightinthehead for the hug.  I needed it!

Its not much better right now but I am taking it literally minute by minute and day by day.

[1footouttadefog]

That is tough.  Sorry to read your x is being that nasty.

Your children will likely come around over time.  After a while they will see the x being the same and they will know it's not you making h that way still.  They will see the light.