Thinking of trying a friend site

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NumbLotus

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Thinking of trying a friend site
« on: January 24, 2020, 08:31:16 PM »
I guess there are sites where you can find friends, similar to dating sites.

I've never tried any form of online dating or friending. Is it just going to be weirdos and creeps and needy people? I'm afraid of getting entangled with someone who is a net loss.

I don't feel able to find friends the normal way because I can't drive and am too fatigued to walk around town to find people. I am still thinking of maybe a book club, but the very thought exhausts me.

Of course, I will have to walk somewhere to meet a friend candidate anyway, but maybe we can chat online a while first.

I need a friend to survive. I can't think of anything else.
Just a castaway, an island lost at sea
Another lonely day, noone here but me
More loneliness than any man could bear

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BeautifulCrazy

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Re: Thinking of trying a friend site
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2020, 09:33:03 PM »
I know this might not answer your question, but I have never tried anything online so I have no idea what you would find! I'm just going to throw some stuff out there... Maybe something will be up your alley. My best places for meeting people have been:
- Church. I had to walk there at first. After a few months I joined a small weekly prayer / talk group that discussed the Sunday sermons. Those lovely folks helped me get my first car and my first job after I left my marriage 8 years ago. I met one of my present close friends through an older lady in that group (her daughter in law). I made lots of acquaintances through networks originating in that group.
- Walking the neighborhood. I started by just going around the block or across the park behind our house. Any further was exhausting. I met some neighbors and other regular walkers and pet owners. No close friendships developed but it was great conversation / people exploration practice and I met a couple people I can nip out for a coffee with or have a great backyard chat.
- Art class. Years ago I joined a free art class for trauma survivors through a womens resource center. They even provided transportation by giving out single use transit passes to get to and from the group. I met one of my current besties there. I made another close friend through a woman in the group when she introduced me to her sister.
These all took time. Friendships take time to develop and deepen. Many relationships that seemed promising initially just didn't go anywhere. Some just crept up over time even though at first they did not strike me as someone I would be compatible with. With time and common experience, sometimes intimacy can develop where you don't really expect it. So many blessings!
You are so right NumbLotus, we need friends to survive!

Are there any resource centers in your area like a women's center, a community center, seniors center, mental health center, community health center? These places might have groups or activities where you could meet people even if mobility or resources are an issue.
What about through therapy? Sounds sketchy I know, lol. My therapist offers a mindfulness class that has resulted in two marriages since its inception three years ago. And two of her survivors groups meet every week at my neighborhood coffee shop even though the group therapy sessions they attended have been over for ages.

I wish you the joy and blessing of making friends NumbLotus!
 :hug:

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SparkStillLit

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Re: Thinking of trying a friend site
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2020, 12:00:45 AM »
Is there any kind of bus or shuttle or uber? Even in bitty here there's those things so you could get to a book club or knitting circle (it's not just for old ladies!!! I knit!!!!) or sewing or quilting or meetups or something.
I like book clubs. I've been to lots and had a really good time. But I'm a nerd like that.
I think there's even some kind of low cost not taxi service but transport for disabled, elderly, and otherwise unable to get about on the reg folks. There's more than one if I'm noticing aright. They're vans. Maybe check and see if people are running those kind of services. That way you can get out on your own and maybe get to this stuff.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Thinking of trying a friend site
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2020, 11:21:35 AM »
Personally it's helped me not to seek a friend (one) but rather to seek association, healthy social interaction. Art classes, yoga, workshops, etc for local and in person interaction.

Since you can't get out have you tried online groups? I've joined some on social media for common interests / hobbies. Some have local meets but most of the interaction is online as a group and sometimes one on one a little bit.

Through that I did meet a few local people for coffee but nothing regular and I'm not seeking a friendship so my case is a bit different I guess.

It worked out good to ease in slowly and see how I get on with them, how well adjusted they are, I'm afraid of dysfunction and it's not always evident up front. The one on one online can go as far as you allow which feels safe for me.

It's sufficient for me because I do have a faith community and a few people I interact with in person regularly that I trust to open up to a little bit. In general I don't need to open up though and spilling myself out scares me. I just need people to interact with who share common interests and online groups have worked out well.

With a dating / friend site specifically for that purpose I'd be too afriad about dysfunction and would feel safer with an online group or else local workshops like a library or coffee shop if you can get there. Then again it might not be any different than social media because if someone wants to be fake they'll be fake.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2020, 11:39:20 AM by Spring Butterfly »
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Hattie

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Re: Thinking of trying a friend site
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2020, 11:28:33 AM »
The dating app, Bumble, also has a "friends" mode called Bumble BFF. I was on there for a bit and met up with some women on there. There seemed to be a lot of women who were recently single, or had just moved to the area. Might be a good place to start
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It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

1 Corinthians 13: 5-8.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Thinking of trying a friend site
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2020, 01:34:22 PM »
I met some nice folks playing trivia at a local restaurant with a bar area. 

I have also met nice folks using the Meetup app.  There are groups of women who need out for meals or to chat etc.  All sorts of groups based on various interests.  They are typically welcoming and I have not felt like they were of rich environments at all.

Volunteering at a local art guild or library is a low impact way to have a lot of exposure.

 

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Thinking of trying a friend site
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2020, 02:07:57 PM »
Ive used Bumbleís Friends section. I met a few women and had a few nice evenings. They were similar to me and everyone seemed genuinely trying to make a connection.

I recently joined a MeetUp group for women in my age group. We get together and do random things like dinners, trips to the beach, parks etc. I havenít made any good friends yet but again everyone is genuine and looking to make connections. Itís nice to have plans and Iíve tried a few things I wouldnít have done on my own.

I am a big fan of ďonlineĒ for meeting people whether for dating or friendships. I think it gives me a great opportunity to weed people out and itís a low investment of time vs something like taking a class. Of course I also got a lot of work in to recognizing red flags and learning to walk away, but a lot of that came with experience.

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StayWithMe

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Re: Thinking of trying a friend site
« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2020, 02:31:17 PM »
I have found it better to connect with people based on interest, hobbies.  The satisfaction that you get from pursuing hobbies and interests is nearly 100% guaranteed.

I have to admit "Will you be my friend?" sounds creepy.  Check out social groups as others have mentioned at church, on meetup and elsewhere.