Issues

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Silentlywaiting

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Issues
« on: January 26, 2020, 03:54:22 AM »
I'm having issues trusting because I catch those I suspect have a pd lying all the time. One seems to do it to make herself look better (bragging, exaggerations) and the other to make herself faultless in everything even outright lying.
I think I've posted about my situation before.
I knew from others in the family telling me she had said this or that. When I confront her about it, she denies or blamed someone else. She has said she is just repeating what she heard.
My thing is If someone told me my sister was doing drugs or prostitution I would call her to see if it was true and if I could help. I wouldn't continue to perpetuate the lie and spread it amongst the family.
I've tried to defend myself over the years but she was like an earwig in the ear of one family member. She created so much chaos for me with her lies. I even had a family member ask me if I was a drug addict while my dad was dying because of h er lies.
Oh and the lies for sympathy. The poor me lies, the exaggerations to get attention. I came home to help after my mother had a heart attack. Because my parents smoked I decided to stay the night with my sister and go back to my parents in the mornings. She had a video to watch with headphones on in the living room and I was in the kitchen making us dinner. My husband had called me and I was talking to him while cooking. Next thing I know she's standing in front of me loudly asking when I would be done talking while aggressively flailing her hands around. Now I didn't think I was being loud, I'm not known for being loud. Maybe I was but I proceeded to tell my husband I had to go as I was getting in trouble for talking to him. She began screaming at me and berating me including calling me profane names. I told her simply I wasn't doing this, and grabbed my suitcase to leave. She ran and jumped in my truck begging me not to abandon her. I told I wasn't abandoning her but I didn't want to deal with it then. So after more drama and arguing, I was finally allowed to leave. My husband heard the beginning and couldn't believe her behavior. It may be perspective what happened next but she told her version to someone where I was yelling and they agreed she was right.
She has told so many lies about me to family and sadly a couple only figured out the truth right before they passed. My grandfather and step dad both apologized to me right before they passed away.
The thing I think that hurts the most is I spent my childhood protecting her. I was a horrible sibling and sometimes mean but at that time it was all I knew. I made sure she ate and was bathed. I protected her from being beaten the best I could. I took the blame so she wouldn't be beaten on quite a few occasions.
I'm not saying I haven't ever lied but I dont, nor won't lie to hurt someone. She has acted like I am very important to her and yet she talks crap behind my back. I can't cut her out of my life without starting a ton of drama and don't really want to deal with it.
I just wish there was some way for me to get her to see what's she's doing. I'm very proud of how far she has come and have told her so.
I could literally write a book on this so I'll stop here.
I know there probably isn't a way but how can I get her to stop with this? Confronting her ends up in circular arguments, flat out denial,  or her screaming\crying and slamming the phone down.

Oh and I need to add that I had to set a boundary about the name calling. When she gets angry she screams and starts name calling. I told her if she ever called me those profane names again I wouldn't ever talk to her. So she has stopped that.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2020, 03:55:58 AM by Silentlywaiting »

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athene1399

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Re: Issues
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2020, 03:18:38 PM »
It sounds like you have been through a lot. I also think the boundary of no name calling is a good idea. Just walk away and end the conversation if she starts name calling. If you sis doesn't recognize her own behavior, she can't make the changes needed. If she does, you can suggest she go to therapy, but there's no guarantee she will go. Try to focus on you. What you can and can't control. What you are responsible for. You can't change your sis, but you can stick to your boundaries. Any time you confront her or JADE her, she will argue. Try to stay neutral. grey rock/medium chill. She can't fight what you say if you don't say anything to defend yourself. It is hard to do though. I always want to get my sis to see what is really going on. I never know if she believes what she says or not. I guess it doesn't matter.

My sis puts a spin on every story to prove her point. It can be so frustrating. I'm trying to stay out of it or say "i don't know why she said that". It gets on my nerves sometimes though.