Codependent narcissistic supply cycle

[rubixcube]

Maybe what used to happen was my ucovertNPDw would shame me with anger, coldness and dirty looks, then I would feel guilty and ashamed so my codependent people pleasing would kick in, I would fawn her, give her attention, and enable her. She thrives on the attention and thinks well of me. The "relationship" wasn't reciprocal.

Now, I healed a lot of that in myself so when I'm treated poorly I don't people please. This lack of supply for her is causing her to think much more poorly of me as time goes on. She just views me as the problem.

[NumbLotus]

The next step is for you to detach yourself from her disordered worldview. She sees you as malfunctioning because you are not providing the expected supply. But her point of view is disordered. Her thinking you are the problem doesn't make you the problem.

[rubixcube]

Numb,

In context "detaching from her disordered worldview" translates to me not feeling and not being pushed by or controlled by her negative moods or disapproval. THAT would be a huge milestone.

Is that even possible, to not feel dragged down by someone's dark moods?

[NumbLotus]

I don't know if it's realistically possible. We do affect each other; we are wired for that. I think we can do it for shorter, less personal interactions. Like if you are in a store and the cashier is rude with you, a person may be aboe to teflon it and not be affected. But that's different from being unaffected by someone you share your life with.

It can be done to a degree, though, and that's where Medium Chill comes in.

[rubixcube]

I had a hunch that was the case. We'd probably have to be sociopaths to not feel.