A day in the life with uocpdh

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11JB68

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A day in the life with uocpdh
« on: February 02, 2020, 01:27:29 PM »
Not even sure what heading to use. Yesterday... First, it was my deceased bffs bday... He knew this, probably should have tried being extra nice.
Nope.
Started in the am. Literally criticised/found fault with about 4-5 minor things that I did it didn't do that somehow made his life just a tiny bit more challenging. (He shouldn't have to make any effort at all if I can do it instead).
I MCd all of this.
I went out to do errands, he said he might nap while I was out. He didn't, but as soon as I got home he decided he'd nap. He gives me a time to wake him up, we start watching a movie. He falls asleep within 5 minutes. I watch most of the movie, trying to hear it over his snoring. Despite the fact that he has trouble sleeping he is almost impossible to wake up from a nap. I've been raged at in the past for not waking him when I was supposed to. (Yet, if you've read my other posts, I am no longer allowed to call asleep watching TV because when he wakes me up I'm grouchy.... Can you say projection??) So at exactly the determined time, I start trying to wake him up. I persist every 5-10 minutes for AN HOUR. (Oh and also I was raged at once for allowing the Netflix show to finish and the new one to start when he was asleep...I don't know how to work any of our movie/TV systems because he is in charge of the TV). I wake him, say the movie is over at least turn off the movie.... Nope he's back to sleep. Finally after an hour he wakes up. I was being quite assertive with my waking attempts... Again because he'll be angry if I don't wake him up! Now I'm getting "what's wrong, are you ok, you seem annoyed". Still I'm trying to mc.
Now he's up, more requests for me to do stuff for him.
Like someone else said in another post.... This is why we like Mondays, and why our weekends are not fun.
While I was out someone hit my car in a lot and didn't leave a note. When I eventually tell him this he latches into it as, oh well that's why you seemed annoyed...
Ugh. I was annoyed by that, but NO. I'm more frustrated with this stupid nap game of his. But of course I don't JADE...I MC...
Let him think  what he wants. I've learned that arguing and pointing out his behavior does not work.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: A day in the life with uocpdh
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2020, 05:11:10 AM »
Yeah, sounds like a game you two play. Have you tried covering his face with a dripping wet face cloth to wake him up?

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blunk

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Re: A day in the life with uocpdh
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2020, 12:39:43 PM »
Maybe an air horn...LOL

It is frustrating, my BPDxh was like that, so difficult to wake. Then he would get mad if he fell asleep on the couch and I went to bed without him. I made a rule three attempts, and then you stay on the couch. He would complain and call me lazy when I slept in on my 1 day off per week, but he thought nothing of taking daily naps. So much nonsense, I am so glad to be free.

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11JB68

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Re: A day in the life with uocpdh
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2020, 11:26:40 PM »
Not right, I always appreciate your input on these things. I'll admit that sometimes my initial reaction is annoyance/anger, but that's because it strikes a nerve. You make me really think about my role in my relationship with uocpdh, and that's a good thing!
That being said...
I would never do the wet cloth thing, that seems abusive to me... And would likely result in rage from him.
I don't really feel that I'm playing the game. Participating maybe.
When I think through what would happen if I did something different (eg the wash cloth)...I used to... And it would only result in raging, fighting, circular arguments, etc. My reasonable thought is what I think would be a boundary: I'll try to wake you once at x o'clock, then I'll set the alarm for 5 or 10 minutes and go do something else.
But even that....I picture him being angry, sulky, accusing me of not caring about him, etc. I can't see it going well. In a marriage with a non PD I think it would be fine.

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11JB68

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Re: A day in the life with uocpdh
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2020, 11:32:09 PM »
Blunk...wow.
I think we married the same guy.
He actually HAS an airhorn... Got it to scare away critters. He was going to use it on a client he was upset with (I think I wrote about this in another post) but boy would he be mad if anyone used it on him.
He wakes me up on weekends. Makes me stay up with him at night, gets mad if I go to bed without him. But yeah he'll take a nap if he needs one.
He basically has a rule that people should get up at the same time every day. Used to get mad at ds if he slept in. Now ds sets his own alarm even on weekends, which wakes me up.

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Whatthehey

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Re: A day in the life with uocpdh
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2020, 03:15:26 AM »
What is it with these people and sleep!?!?!  Sleep in they are mad.  Get up early they are mad.  Go to bed first they are mad.  Take a nap, or not.  It just goes on and on.

My xOCPDh was much the same. I think I cherish sleeping in now just because I can.  It really wore me down physically and I was often sick due to lack of rest.

Next time, do what said - set your boundary.  I will try once but after that its on you.  Or tell them to set an alarm on their phone since you are not effective.

Good luck.

 :bighug: