Tired of running into SPD so much.

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IWasNeverReallyHere

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Tired of running into SPD so much.
« on: February 03, 2020, 03:04:50 AM »
I met this person last year who lives in my street and he and I became friendly. At the time I was pleased to have met someone almost next door who I could call a friend. Lets call this person 'J'. It had initially started off as a good story when I met J, but it has not been a good story for myself in the end.

I figured that he has to have Schizoid Personality Disorder. It just fits his characteristics and behaviour. And I like people puzzles and trying to figure people out.

I run into him every second day. Or I at least see him from a distance somewhere. It is frustrating, awkward and inconvenient. Some days he is reasonably friendly, other days he doesn't know you. Just then, I went to put my bin out for collection. He happened to be walking home on the other side of the rd from the shop as I left my bin on the nature strip. I never know whether to say hi to him as I can't read him and I don't know which version of J I'll be getting.

I say hey mate. I try to be friendly and civil. He continues walking as if I'm not there. Sure, he has a right to keep to himself, but I feel stupid for even saying anything. He knows very well who I am. That emotional coldness can be quite offensive. There are too many coincidences between this guy and myself for my liking and I'm getting tired of it. A couple of weeks ago I go into a local burger place. Guess who happens to be standing around at the counter chatting to the owner? He's not ordering anything, just hanging around seemingly chatting to the person I want to order with. I give J a curious look and he just stares back at me as if I'm interrupting his conversation.

There have been many other instances. So often I see him around the community, either wandering around himself or having conversations with any random member of the public. I can't tell if he knows these people, or they're just putting up with him. If he's hassling them, or they enjoy his company.

In the beginning, I thought he was an interesting, fascinating person. Now, I think he's toxic and someone I need not fret over cutting my losses with, because sometimes I think it would be better moving elsewhere to get away from him.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Tired of running into SPD so much.
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2020, 04:56:28 AM »
I agree, it is confusing if  a person doesn't know you one day and the next is chatty with you. Not a normal way to behave. I hope you have other neighbours too. I would not let the behaviour of such an odd person affect my well-being though. You can be as happy and relaxed and friendly as you want to be, regardless of your neighbour.

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clara

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Re: Tired of running into SPD so much.
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2020, 11:16:51 AM »
Some people (I've experienced it with ASPDs) enjoy the power of ignoring you after they've managed to engage you.  It's a deliberate manipulation to show you how much control they have.  And you've given this person a  lot of control because you're now wondering if you should move to get away from him.  That's probably the exact response he wants.  Your discomfort and confusion feeds people like him.  And I doubt I'm wrong when I say he probably does this with almost everyone in his life.  You today, someone else tomorrow.  It's really not about you and has nothing to do with you.  Like notright says, be yourself and ignore his behavior.

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Pepin

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Re: Tired of running into SPD so much.
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2020, 01:03:30 PM »
Usually what I do is give a quick single wave and maybe a smiling eyebrow raise.  That lets people know that I acknowledge them regardless of their behavior.  Either way, it is me being myself, treating someone the way I would want to be treated.  Doing this means that I am not stooping to their level. 

Sometimes I do the quick hand wave gesture even if I am not sure they are looking my way.  It just ensures that I am genuine and consistent.

I live next to a real piece of work....and I do acknowledge their existence in passing and many times I have been ignored....and I'm like whatever.  Sucks that they have to behave that way. 
Why work so hard to have a relationship with someone that does not care the same way as you?

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

Born into a dysfunctional family and married into a dysfunctional family.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.