Getting pissed off at the NPD parents has not been helpful for me.

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LenKagamine

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I have spent too many years of my life guzzling poison while expecting it to make a difference in them.

I just had a decent conversation with the therapist.  My anger is justified, but it is not doing me any good.  I turn to anger because it is easier than working on myself and keeping stronger boundaries.  Anger is the easy way out - anger is easier than feeling the pain and working through it.  And the only way out is through it.

It is time for me to put down the bong and stop numbing out, pretty much.

Yeah, a part of me feels resentful that I have to work on myself while I feel the NPD parents are being completely let off the hook, even if that line of thinking makes very little sense under closer scrutiny.  Anger is not known to be rational.

I think I will start by cleaning my apartment when I get home today.  Give myself a boundary - keep my apartment clean no matter what.  Do not let the lazy anger keep overtaking me.  Take care of myself.  Be my own parent for a change.  My parents aren't up for the job, and I can't expect anybody else to parent me at this point in my life.

I should also cut back on the beer consumption and the obsessive video gaming.  Really, those have just been crutches in recent months.  I really want to do more writing, more cooking, more walking, more volunteering.  Instead, I turn to easy numbing crutches and use lazy anger as an excuse to not build myself up.  That's bullshit.

Resentment as an excuse to ignore self-care is totally lame.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Getting pissed off at the NPD parents has not been helpful for me.
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2020, 08:51:59 PM »
"My anger is justified, but it is not doing me any good.  I turn to anger because it is easier than working on myself and keeping stronger boundaries.  Anger is the easy way out - anger is easier than feeling the pain and working through it.  And the only way out is through it."  Very true for me, too! 

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MamaDryad

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Re: Getting pissed off at the NPD parents has not been helpful for me.
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2020, 11:20:41 AM »
This has been my experience with anger, too. The only caveat (for me) is that the anger was keeping a lot of sadness at bay, and as the anger faded, the grief kind of swamped me for a while. So for me, it wasn't an immediate switch to doing more productive "external" stuff, because there had to be a transitional period where I was leveling up the kind of self-care I'd been doing. In my case, that looked like more journal writing, more meditation, and attending meetings (ACoA).

I think it's great to set goals to get you out of your own head; just be gentle with yourself if the anger isn't immediately replaced by productive, positive energy.