can grey rock make it worse?

[sevenyears]

intermittent reenforcement and extinction bursts sound interesting. i will look them up and watch the youtube video this weekend. When I first started MC, my uocpd then H also accused me of all sorts of things: I didn't love him, or I would do xyz. I'm conflict avoidant (um, no. I just don't see the need for circular conversations and arguments about everything!). I'm ignoring him. And more. And, when I started the process of grey rock by seeking to divorce him, he complained bitterly that I was "trying to rid myself of him" (you betcha!). Only problem is that he would escalate his control and anger until he could provoke me. It's all so tiresome and frustrating.

[SparkStillLit]

That right there is what updh does. Escalate until he gets a response. I call him the escalator because that is the main technique.
So often I have to do what my T calls "drop the rope" and walk away. Or remove myself in some fashion before we get to the stage where I've been provoked or he's shouting and railing and carrying on like crazy town.

[Jsinjin]

If I wasn't worried about the kids, I would get up and leave either for a walk or in the car each time I heard something loud from the kitchen like "who moved the olive oil on the shelf..." Because once that starts if we ignore it or no one remembers who moved it or why the pattern is to take it to an extreme point.

[Honey_B]

I think grey rock with people and the method with animals differs when it comes to output. The animal will continue and escalate the bad behavior because it has no other person to go to for treats,

I can see why going grey rock will, in some cases, escalte the behavior, if the narcissist has no where else to go. However, the point of grey rock is to become as uninteresting as possible for the narcissist so the narcissist will at some point go away and start bothering someone else instead. So grey rock was never meant to stop the behavior, just to divert it someone else than you bcause the narcissist can never stop.

[NumbLotus]

intermittent reenforcement still applies.

If you GR a Narc, they will try and try. And if you provide intermittent reward - maybe some days you are just tired, or maybe they hit a button - they will redouble their efforts rather than just wander away.