My own overreaction took me by surprise.

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Stillirise

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My own overreaction took me by surprise.
« on: February 04, 2020, 07:24:22 PM »
I have been feeling pretty good about how Iíve been handling things with uPDh. The home seems much calmer overall, with a lot less outbursts.  I havenít felt nearly as anxious and hyper vigilantóat least I didnít think so.

Earlier, I was helping DD with homework, with my back to the kitchen. DS came in, unbeknownst to me, and grabbed some snacks. He tossed one across the room toward DD, accidentally hitting me with it. I wasnít hurt, but I jumped and yelped. Then, I felt so startled I actually started cryingóout of no where.

DS was then upset that heíd hurt me, and caused my reaction. He also probably thought I might be going insane. I know I did.

While I was having my minor meltdown, I thought to myself, ďI thought I wasnít on eggshells like this anymore, and Iím tired of feeling like this.Ē

Has anyone else experienced this? A overreaction to a minor stress that seemingly comes out of left field?  Any tips for managing it?
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, Iíll rise.
óMaya Angelou

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11JB68

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Re: My own overreaction took me by surprise.
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2020, 11:36:15 PM »
Stillrise, I'm so sorry you experienced that... And I'm sure your ds felt badly.
Sounds like some sort of a PTSD reaction?

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SparkStillLit

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Re: My own overreaction took me by surprise.
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2020, 01:38:52 AM »
I'm still hyper-vigilant (I've just barely started my journey of making quiet space for myself), and it comes out in my sleep. Updh and I haven't slept in the same room in ages...but he pops out of his room and can see my bed and what I'm doing.  Anyway, my only saving grace about that seems to be exercising. I'm booted right now so the gym has been out for a month and it's gotten BAD. Like maybe throw a cracker at me bad. I'm considering yoga, maybe??? I can't sleep right at ALL, which makes me crabby and on edge during the day.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: My own overreaction took me by surprise.
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2020, 04:30:57 AM »
I agree with you, it seems to have triggered a memory of something and you could have cried the tears that you did not cry in the past - when the initial hurt happened. Maybe now you feel safe enough to finally shed the tears that you couldn't initially? I hope you took your kids into your arms and told them that your reaction had very little to do with what they did but with you being so happy that you are now finally safe.

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Stillirise

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Re: My own overreaction took me by surprise.
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2020, 09:03:21 AM »
Thank you for the support everyone! I did, in fact, gather both children up and make sure they knew I wasnít hurt, nor upset with them in any way.  I think it was a reality check for how much more self-work I have to do. 

I have also realized while M/C, and the other tools are doing their jobs, as long as uPDh and I are still in the same household, I will probably continue to have some of these issues.  Iíve begun to notice how aware I am of every vehicle sound, door opening, footsteps etc., to evaluate if uPDh is home, or is moving about the house.   There is definitely a tinge of dread/fear associated with it.  I find myself re-framing what Iím doing, and gathering my composure, when I know heís approaching.  I suppose that partly explains why Iím so sensitive to being caught off-guard right now.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, Iíll rise.
óMaya Angelou

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SparkStillLit

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Re: My own overreaction took me by surprise.
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2020, 10:09:09 AM »
Is it just that now you're aware of having to gather your wits to prepare for...interactions?
Now the difference of being able to breathe for a bit, and having to zip on your armor is more clear?
Maybe before, you never took it off and relaxed, so to speak.
That's kind of how I feel about it, that I never take it off. My goal is to be able to sometimes, and know when I need it and when I don't.
I would guess little freak outs that OMG It's not on!!! ... oh whew it's just the kids.... and then mixed up emotion about not having to live like that anymore, is probably ordinary steps along the path to freedom. Even if it's freedom inside.
Hopefully I'm behind you somewhere on that same path. I'll yell out when I see you, ok? "Keep going!! It's fine!!"

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MamaDryad

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Re: My own overreaction took me by surprise.
« Reply #6 on: February 05, 2020, 11:24:23 AM »
This has happened with me, too. My son is three, and very physical with me (we're working on boundaries, but he's just a cuddly, rough and tumble kind of kid), and he's definitely set me off more than a few times. When that happens, I try to take a few deep breaths to collect myself, and then go sit quietly with him and tell him it wasn't his fault, that sometimes people have big feelings, and that he doesn't need to worry about me. If he's done anything we wouldn't want him doing to other people (i.e. that would upset even someone who doesn't have PTSD), I'll wait until we're both calm and then restate that boundary.