Kind and affectionate

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Cascade

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Kind and affectionate
« on: February 06, 2020, 02:05:28 AM »
My PD husband has been kind to me lately. He's even been giving me loving touches, and touching of any type has always been rare from him unless he wanted something. The weird thing is that years ago I had said I'd feel more loved if he was more affectionate towards me. He rarely was, and there was even this weird phase where he'd give me a one second touch that was more like playing tag. I wondered if he didn't even know how to give a loving touch but now all of a sudden he does? So I'm pretty sure he was faking the ineptness before. And even with all this "romance" I feel nothing inside. He has hurt me emotionally so many, many times, not to mention all the mind games and lies. I'm guessing this is just a phase like so many other phases he's gone through in our long marriage and I feel a little uncomfortable with it.  Has anyone experienced this?

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Lauren17

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Re: Kind and affectionate
« Reply #1 on: February 06, 2020, 02:41:46 AM »
Cascade, I am going through the same thing right now. UBPDh has been unusually calm, pleasant and very nearly attentive since Christmas. Here and there he will pat my arm or leg or give me a hand when I’m climbing something.
In the past, I too, have tried to express my desire for physical affection thats not sex. Never happened. I was told that I didn’t understand how married people acted.
It goes beyond touching and is the way he’s acting in general. He's returning texts (sometimes) and willing to chat for a few minutes in the evening.
Last week, I wanted to buy a new piece of furniture. Usually this is a months long nagging/negotiation process. The fist time I brought up the purchase, he said. “Ok.” And we bought it the next day. I’m still a little stunned.
Like you, I’m not feeling any affection in return. In fact, the change making me feel a little uneasy.
I guess that wasn’t very helpful. But I can say you’re not in this alone.
“You held me down, but I got up.
Get ready, ‘cause I’ve had enough.”
-Katy Perry

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Kind and affectionate
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2020, 04:17:36 AM »
Could it be that this is the effect your change in behaviour has on him? You might have created a calmer environment with your awareness of the situation and MC and now he changes his behaviour as a reaction to the change in environment.

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Cascade

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Re: Kind and affectionate
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2020, 11:16:11 PM »
Lauren17, thank you for your comments. Sometimes it helps just to know that I am not the only one experiencing this. Buying furniture, or convincing my husband that we should buy new furniture is a very long process, it usually takes years to get him to the point where he agrees.
Notrightinthehead, I wondered about that very thing myself, though I am not an expert on MC yet.

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11JB68

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Re: Kind and affectionate
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2020, 11:50:52 PM »
I agree with not right... And would add that I think as we start to use the tool box, whatever part of the PD behavior is within their control I think they do start to try to control it/use different strategies when the old behavior no longer works for them?