In a rut perhaps, constantly distracting myself.

1footouttadefog · February 06, 2020, 09:56:52 AM

I have found myself in a prolonged rut. I am avoiding things a bit and find myself engaged in distracting activities more than ever. Procrastination is at an all time high.

I don't think I am depressed , more overwhelmed. I am not sad and actually have alot of good things going on, and to look forward to.

I think part of it is that making plans based on myself alone is not something I have ever done combined with being the only adult I'm the house at a busy time of life.

It's so easy to sleep late, then spend too much time online or out and about. Part of it might be avoidance of my pdh but he is not acting especially bad these days, and actually things are pretty stable/tolerable.

I do however find myself a little resentful of having this all on my plate. I of course realize logically that the time I loose daudling and distracted could be directed towards my own goals if I was more effective in time management towards what needs done.

It will be spring soon I am hoping that that helps.

NumbLotus · February 06, 2020, 10:12:46 AM

Hi!

I am in the deepest rut right here. I used to be on top of things and now I've let everything slide. Even really important things. I currently have no valid legal ID. If my father suddenly went into the hospital / which is LIKELY - I could not hop on a plane and help my mom. Because my ID is expired. I think about it but haven't done anything about it. It expired teo months ago.

That's just one example; ofher urgent things are just sitting there and I am doing nothing.

Interestingly, like you, things are actually pretty okay with my H right now. It's been calm for two months, and even crazier, I don't feel like it's about to fall apart either.

On top of everything with my marriage and my limitations, I got the flu a few weeks ago and I don't feel fully recovered yet. I have some kind of chronic illness and I think the flu sets it for a spin, beyond just the actual illness itself.

Well I hope spring brings changes for you. I don't know what to pin my hopes on. I've learned hope is bad, I guess that's the crux of it.

1footouttadefog · February 07, 2020, 12:34:17 PM

I forced myself to make some phone calls I had procrastinated in and a couple of things fell together nicely. That was motivating.

I sat and thought about things after posting and decided if I was avoiding things it was likely interacting with crazy. Pondered some non offensive strategy and divided working a different shift so to speak was a solution. I will start getting up quite early and sleeping a couple hours earlier. This should give me several peaceful hours a day back. My pdh is OCD and compulsively pesters at times and the constant interuptions leave me as the bad guy when I demand fewer interuptions.

I have also decided to afford myself an audible subscription to listen too to keep my mind busy and fight bordom.

If anyone else has suggestions please post.

Poison Ivy · February 07, 2020, 02:01:26 PM

I've noticed that I tend to seek out distractions (e.g., online) more when I'm tired. And I'm tired more when I'm busier and responsible for more things (which is my life now that I'm divorced and live alone and am the homeowner and work full time and so on). Taking breaks away from the computer helps sometimes.

I still manage to get a lot done, but it's kind of depressing and boring to always be working.

rubixcube · February 12, 2020, 10:21:45 AM

You're definitely not alone in that one! I go through the same thing daily.
There is so much I'd rather be doing/building/creating.

I notice that I spend far too much time "vegging" because of emotional exhaustion. When emotions are spent and energy sucked by my PDw, I'm just too drained to be productive. It's hard to think and focus, so I waste time on YouTube.

I recently started watching a sci-fi series to give myself some allowed "veg" time. The show has clean language, interesting stories, good relationships between people, and is a much more wholesome distraction than just ridiculous YouTube videos. Lesser of the evils I guess.

1footouttadefog · February 16, 2020, 05:11:14 PM

I agree that quality fiction is likely a better way to get than YouTube videos.

YouTube and social media are by design, a bit sensational and emotionally triggering/engaging. This is what keeps people checking back and desiring to stay connected etc.

1footouttadefog · February 16, 2020, 07:03:22 PM

I agree that quality fiction is likely a better way to get than YouTube videos.

YouTube and social media are by design, a bit sensational and emotionally triggering/engaging. This is what keeps people checking back and desiring to stay connected etc.

athene1399 · February 19, 2020, 10:57:34 AM

I've been trying to schedule in self-care daily. It's only about a half-hour, but I use that time to color or do something else I enjoy. During that time I take a break from real concerns/tasks/whatever is stressful. I haven't felt like doing my hobbies lately, but I've been keeping up with the self-care half-hour. I do it before bedtime to help me wind down. I also have been allowing the "veg time" and watch Netflix. I have been very emotionally burnt out and that seems to help me rest when I am exhausted. I've been trying to limit naps so I don't sleep too much.

Pepin · February 19, 2020, 11:09:17 AM

I am also in a rut, avoiding my to do list. But, I wonder if maybe it is because I have been so focused on self care for so long that I just need to decompress and do nothing? Or it could be that there is still something within my self care that I have not yet achieved -- therefore I spend lots of time online, reading and listening to podcasts hoping to find that a-ha. I think that people that haven't had to deal with PDs just kind of live their lives with a more or less clear mind, just doing their routine. While I have mostly a routine, it often gets interrupted with triggers that I have to drop everything for and diffuse. This never ending unpacking of past baggage takes a VERY long time. Decades worth will take decades? IDK but I'm definitely tired...

GettingOOTF · February 19, 2020, 11:37:26 AM

I am in a rut too. The last couple of months all I do is waste time in my phone and binge watch shows.

I come home from work and go lie in bed and watch shows. I'm not doing anything. I've taken a couple of days off work because I can't face getting up. I have no motivation to do anything. On the weekends I only get up to feed my pets. I don't spring out of bed ready to take on the world on my best days but I feel like I'm in such a funk and I don't see a way out. It's really hard. I don't know what's going on. I did injure myself which meant a period of inactivity and pain (so much pain) but that's over now and I can't seem to get back to where I was.

NumbLotus · February 19, 2020, 02:04:58 PM

That's basically where I am only I don't even have a job anymore. Most people dream of having the leisure time I have but it is completely empty.

I think of ideas to improve myself or whatever and I just. Don't. Want. To. And this is very foreign to me. The real me would be horrified but I've kind of stuffed the real me into a closet and I don't really notice because I'm just zoning out on videos or whatever.

Spring Butterfly · February 20, 2020, 12:37:28 PM

Completely get it and recently after a self care winter binge consisting of excessive blanket time and naps I'm clearing some cobwebs. In my emerging I started head long into Enneagram research and kind of blew my mind when reading about different ways the various personality types will numb out. It was really eye opening and got me on a good path. Slow but good.

NumbLotus · February 20, 2020, 01:13:01 PM

I know very little about that, sounds interesting. I most identified as a nine. I wondered if that is related in any way to the fact that I may draw on the energy of others somehow. My H sleeps all day and is not functioning, and while my sleep patterns don't follow his, I certainly am mirroring his nonfunction.

When I visit my mother, I am fatigued but functional. As is my mother. We are not whirlwinds and do get tired but we do get things done, keep the house tidy, and engage in some recreation.

i can't seem to manage that at my own house, though.

I can't put my finger on the block (mental or emotional) I have with H in the house. I could be wrong but I feel like if H disappeared tomorrow, I would become more functional, not necessarily all at once, but I feel like there is a blocker somewhere. I could just blame him but that's the simple way - it's me (reacting to him, yes, but me) but I can't figure out exactly what it is.