Concept of Love, Empathy, none existant. Really?

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BigBird

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Concept of Love, Empathy, none existant. Really?
« on: February 10, 2020, 04:50:09 AM »
In my research on PD's (my adult daughter for one) I've read several articles talking about the brain being messed up in the area where love and empathy take place.  Yesterday I was reminded of this and although I can't wrap my head around it, still.....    I really do have to come to the realization that my daughter, in her 30's, really does have a brain that doesn't have the capability of the normal function of most when it comes to empathy, love, etc.  You would think I could understand the fact that she lacks this ability after all these years from a very young child through her teenage years and especially the last several years.  We had to do what we thought we could never do a few months ago and totally cut her off financially as well as communication with my wife, her mother.  My wife could serve as the "poster child" example of what victims of a PD abuser does.  As her father I encouraged continued communication but she wants nothing to do with it.  Once she was forced to find her own source of income all the words of her love for mom and years of manipulating her mom, all the phoney words of love, caring and dedication stopped with absolutely no sense of sadness on daughters part, only anger against parents for cutting her money supply off. 
I've tried to do what I can to continue a dialog, connection of any kind with her but the only response is anger and resentment.  I don't think it's helping me or my daughter for me to try reaching out to her anymore.  It only makes both of us angry and that isn't productive at all.  I hate to admit it, but I don't think it will get any better and I believe she will be out of our lives from here on out.
Even her best friend, her sister who is the sweetest person you could know.  Even after a life of being mistreated and hurt by her older sister of 3 years her whole life still loves her PD sister.  She still tries but also has to protect her own family from abuse.  She has learned how to help others through her own study due to the relationship she had to endure growing up with her PD sister.  She is the one who reminded me just a few hours ago that her sister, my daughter, isn't capable of loving.  I've known this, it's just still so very hard for me to understand and realize that it is possible.  I've just got to learn to accept it and although life is peaceful again with her out of our life, my wife is recovering and doing much better.  Even though we all know it's the best thing we could possibly have done, still I'm not able to understand how she can have no saddness being out of our lives, only anger that she has to find her own source of funds.  It's not how life is supposed to be.  Unfortunately it's how it needs to be.  Wow! What a life.
I hope you're able to find answers and peace with your own struggles.  Life is much better now. How sad it is the decisions and actions that were necessary to make that happen.
BB

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ICantThinkOfAName

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Re: Concept of Love, Empathy, none existant. Really?
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2020, 12:16:14 PM »
If she is ever to see the light or change her ways, you just gave her the means to do so.  What you did was probably the most helpful and loving thing for her you could have.  Keep the lines of communication open but don't allow for abuse.  She is still young enough to change and maybe she can get help for what is making her feel like such a victim in life.  And for you, it must be heartbreaking to see someone that you love and care for reject you in that way.  To go a completely different way from what you taught and role modelled.  Yes maybe she was born a sociopath, maybe, but IMO I'd rather believe they are capable of change and give them the space they need to do that.

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athene1399

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Re: Concept of Love, Empathy, none existant. Really?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2020, 12:53:18 PM »
This must be very heartbreaking, Bigbird. I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling.

I also feel that while cutting her off financial must have been a difficult decision, it was probably for the best. As good as your intentions were to help your D financially, it was probably just enabling her.

Something similar happened to SO and his BPDxw. She asked if he could lend her money, whatever he could spare. He agreed but no amount was mentioned. he dropped off the money and it wasn't what she wanted. She exploded and texted him, calling him bad names, being verbally abusive, etc. The situation was different, but the PD reaction was the same. They didn't get what they wanted so became verbally abusive.

I hope one day your D realizes that no matter how upset she gets, she cannot treat people like this. And I hope she appreciates what you did for her. It's a tough lesson for her to learn, and you were brave enough to do it. I'm sorry she is not taking it well. This must be a difficult realization for you. I am sorry. :(