Subtle Manipulation

[GettingOOTF]

I was clearing out my Junk folder at work and found an email from my BPDxH dated last month.

We have been divorced for years now and he won’t leave me alone. He’s blocked everywhere but pops up occasionally.

The email was to inform me that one of his elderly family member had passed away. I got along well with his wife. My ex said he thought I should know and to let him know if I wanted to send a card, if so he’s send me the address.

See this is EXACTLY the type of thing that made me feel like I was crazy and made him look like a perfectly good, kind, rational man.

A non-PD person would have said “and here’s her address if you want to send a card”.

It’s totally him trying to guilt and manipulate me into contacting him. I haven’t spoken to him or responded in any way in about 2 years. We’ve been divorced a lot longer than that.

And if I tell someone about they email they will say “oh it was nice of him to let you know”. Meanwhile he was probably thrilled to have a “valid” reason to reach out again.

It’s so frustrating. It seems like such a small thing but I feel like I will never be free of him and his BS.

[Sweetbriar]

Because my experience has been with two very covert narcissists, my sister and father and then my mother who is quite overt in her disorder of which I not sure what hers is, I do find the covert PD's sneaky and sinister.

I hate how they hide their manipulation in even the subtle wordings of their sentences so that you pretty much spend time decoding the underlying message. And if you call them on something, they turn it around so quickly, saying you're reading into things.

I am glad you are no longer in contact with your X and that all of us are getting educated about these things.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Not so subtle. I had a flying monkey attempt not long ago, same tactic via voicemail. "Your grandmother died, contact me if you're interested in knowing where the service is."

Nice try.