Am I the problem

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Findingstrength729

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Am I the problem
« on: February 16, 2020, 10:42:38 AM »
Things are miserable at work. I am constantly evaluating myself and replaying situations.   I am moving on, but Iím torn.   Am I the problem?

Over the last Few weeks I have been told I have a problem with authority and need to get it together.   I am not a team player.   I am this or that.   Itís constant assults on my character, work ethic, etc.   One person said I am add and need to get myself on medication; during a meeting with a supervisor.  Iím at a school.   I didnít tolerate poor treatment to my child (in fact sheís blossomed since I removed her).  I care for and advocate for my students (which resulted in comments of: ďtheyíre just kids you care too much.Ē And ďstop disrespecting my authority, student is just being defiantĒ when I knew they were ill and the boss refused to let me speak to them.  I was accused of not going to her and violating chain of command when something happened and there was a complaint from one of my parents against her (it did happen, they called the parent a liar).  The boss has threatened students in my class.  Told me to keep documenting because she plans to kick them out,  she doesnít want that in her school.  Iíve been told I have poor time management, I have add, I need to get myself on medication.  That Iím mental.  That Iím the problem.   Over and over again. 

There is so much more.  Iím devastated to say the least.  I think I know the answer. 

I was told by a birdie who used to work for the company: ďJust make sure to stand up for yourself.Ē  I have been.  I donít think Iím being rude or disrespectful.   Another birdie said ďyou are doing the right thing, donít compromise your values.Ē 

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Swarley

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2020, 11:56:49 AM »
That sounds like a terribly toxic work environment, and it is not at all appropriate for a supervisor or manager I to "diagnose" you and suggest medication. Is this one person in particular, or several?

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clara

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2020, 01:41:03 PM »
PDs and other toxic people are good at blaming their behavior on others.  They create a bad situation and then say it's somehow your fault when you react to the situation they've caused.  You disagree with what they're doing/saying?  You're being insubordinate.  You say nothing about what they're doing/saying?  Means you agree with them so they'll keep doing/saying it.  It can be a real no-win situation because they're so good at this game.  And yes, they crossed a boundary with you as no competent supervisor or boss will make personal attacks but toxic, dysfunctional people certainly will.  And depending on how your organization is structured, they can be reprimanded by higher-ups for making such comments.  You can ask them to document why they feel the way they do, make them put it in writing so you can document, as well, your response to such accusations.  Of course, when you say something like this to them, they'll probably immediately retreat into a lie where they claim they said no such thing, you're reading into what they said etc.  Again, it can be real no-win.  At that point, you have to decide whether or not it's worth fighting the battle.  In the meantime, remind yourself that gaslighting is very real, and a very effective tool of control.  None of us are perfect, and we all have some problem or issue that likely needs dealing with, but consider the context in which the accusations are being made.  They're not being made by well-meaning supervisors who are concerned with you, they're being made as forms of accusation and blame.  That's gaslighting, not truth.




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Findingstrength729

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2020, 07:59:30 AM »
That sounds like a terribly toxic work environment, and it is not at all appropriate for a supervisor or manager I to "diagnose" you and suggest medication. Is this one person in particular, or several?

Mostly one individual.  But the add comment started from my assistant.  Since it was made in front of a supervisor theyíve taken it and run with it. 

I addressed it with my doctor earlier this week.  She said it doesnít sound typical adhd behavior. 

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Fortuna

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2020, 10:36:10 AM »
ďtheyíre just kids you care too much.Ē


This one statement tells me all I need to know. You work in a school and their attitude is you care too much about your charges? That they are JUST kids. Anyone with that attitude shouldn't be anywhere near kids, much less working with them as they are trying to learn how to navigate the world. I agree, you should document everything, Just make sure it's everything about the person being so incredibly unempathetic.

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2020, 06:03:43 PM »
I do need to do some more documenting.   I have most documented. 

Boss ignored me, slammed a door in my face, scolded me like a child for asking a question.  This is an example:  we are dealing with winter weather.  I asked her a question about after school services (as my email said refer to your director).  Boss got snippy and said ďbelieve it not we all been texting since 5am this morning....so you donít worry about it.Ē

I had a few thoughts, but just said ďokĒ and went on minding my business.   But thatís the kinda stuff that she says Iím not respecting her authority.   My class follows a completely different schedule than the rest of the school. 

Another example: I had an appt she refuses to let me use my PTO.   Ran me out the door.   Now Iím short hours (Iím salary).  She told me I have to make them up next week.   Um, itís 8 hours.  No.  Use my PTO that Iím entitled to.


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Swarley

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2020, 09:57:09 PM »
That's awful.

It's no more appropriate for your assistant to say something like that than your supervisor. That's pretty shocking and disrespectful to you, in fact.m

Does your supervisor treat others like this in general? Or do you feel you're being made the main scapegoat?

Frankly she sounds so bad that in your place, I'd be making my escape plan. She does not sound like the type to be reasoned with, and if she's been allowed to get away with this for awhile ( scapegoating, gas lighting, running certain kids out of "her" school)- then odds are she has a personal friend or two on the board or something like that.

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2020, 05:59:04 AM »
That's awful.

It's no more appropriate for your assistant to say something like that than your supervisor. That's pretty shocking and disrespectful to you, in fact.m

Does your supervisor treat others like this in general? Or do you feel you're being made the main scapegoat?

Frankly she sounds so bad that in your place, I'd be making my escape plan. She does not sound like the type to be reasoned with, and if she's been allowed to get away with this for awhile ( scapegoating, gas lighting, running certain kids out of "her" school)- then odds are she has a personal friend or two on the board or something like that.

Right now, yes Iím the main target.  Iím viewed as the weakest link.  She targets a few others.   Lots of favoritism.   She does have friends in high places. 

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xredshoesx

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2020, 10:16:02 AM »
i've been in the ed biz almost 20 years.

not all schools are places that value and nurture teachers/children.  i actually went through work bullying by an admin and shared most of it here back in  2012-13.  eventually after a string of nasty emails, parent/student/staff complaints the admin was fired but not after most of the damage was done including me catching an ineffective rating for standing up for myself.  my boss liked to refer to me as '504 plan' and threatened to end my job on the daily....

keep documenting and in most places you are a commodity = if you can seek out a school that wants teachers to be successful.

as a side note the entire grade level team i'm on is dealing with this-  all of us have been around long enough to know that the higher ups at central office are putting pressure on our boss and in turn, she is passing the buck to us.  because of the way schools here work she'll be moved before any of us so it's a process more of put up until the end of the year because we can't really do anything else, but to give you an idea of the level of nonsense, we had a team conference about a group of students  with extremely poor behavior well documented over a 2-3 year period and she was berating us about management  and when we asked for a suggestion about something she would recommend as a strategy she told us to google it or check teachers pay teachers..... that level of shennanigans. 


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Findingstrength729

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #9 on: February 27, 2020, 08:54:44 AM »
Well- this has been an interesting week:

Basically in a nut shell I've been told Iím leaving my calling.   My calling is only in this particular building.  Iím abandoning my students.   Iím weak that I canít make it through the rest of the year.  I am letting people get to me and Iím going to have these issues everywhere.   

I know, this is all part of the toxicity.   I know this is how they get people to stay.   I know they will ruin references.   I know this isnít healthy.   I know the truth, to just be vague and encompass all my thoughts.

 I know there will always be people I disagree with, I know my way isnít the only way.   I also know that there are places that are collaborative.   That do have students best interests at heart.   That pay and play fair. 

I know I donít deserve to have a door slammed in my face.   To be yelled at and degraded about everything, anything, and nothing.   I donít deserve to be harassed and verbally assaulted.   I know Iím not wanted in my current situation, yet here they are trying to break me down even more like it will change my mind.   Glad my days are numbered and ready to start my new journey. 

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xredshoesx

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #10 on: February 27, 2020, 12:02:35 PM »
put it back on them girl.  what are they willing to do/ change to make it for you to be able to stay.   

also this right here

*** Iím abandoning my students.   Iím weak that I canít make it through the rest of the year.  I am letting people get to me and Iím going to have these issues everywhere.   ***** 

that's the mentality that keeps educators as martyrs, underpaid and not respected.  in every other profession that requires advance degrees like ours, people come and go as the $$$$ does.  no one thinks they are weak, as a matter of fact, they are seen as savvy business professionals....

do you and stay strong.

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Am I the problem
« Reply #11 on: February 27, 2020, 04:49:23 PM »
put it back on them girl.  what are they willing to do/ change to make it for you to be able to stay.   

also this right here

*** Iím abandoning my students.   Iím weak that I canít make it through the rest of the year.  I am letting people get to me and Iím going to have these issues everywhere.   ***** 

that's the mentality that keeps educators as martyrs, underpaid and not respected.  in every other profession that requires advance degrees like ours, people come and go as the $$$$ does.  no one thinks they are weak, as a matter of fact, they are seen as savvy business professionals....

do you and stay strong.

Thatís what I said in January.   This is the problem and something needs to change.  Iíve been very, very upfront with administrative personnel.  Maybe thatís my mistake. 

Yes, Iím tired.   Iím not a martyr.  Thankfully, my studentsí parents understand.   Especially those who know where I am going.   You have to jump when you get the opportunity, as itís all about who you know.