Avoiding responsibility

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11JB68

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Avoiding responsibility
« on: February 17, 2020, 07:01:38 PM »
Uocpdh sometimes does these little things... They are not harmful to me, or really to anyone, and I guess not a big deal, but they just seem very strange to me.
So today is a national holiday in the us. But one that not every one has the day off.
Updh is'very stressed'(not at all unusual) about a project for a client that is taking longer than he expected (also not unusual).
He's been working all weekend. Which basically leaves me alone and bored (yet also not being bothered for the most part, but it would be nice to have a partner with whom I could enjoy a long weekend).
Late this afternoon he comes to me out of the blue and asks what kind of holiday this is. Of course I'm supposed to read his mind and know where he's going with this and what the'right' answer is.
He clarified a bit, is everyone off?
I answered honestly, not everyone... He persisted, I said I don't really know, federal holiday, no mail, not everyone is off.
Then he tells me that basically he's looking for an excuse for why he's still not done, and it being a holiday would be a good excuse. (Why?...HE worked all day/all weekend). He's really stressed he tells me.
Later he comes back and asks me to change my answer, that everyone's off today.
Ok, I say, everyone's off.
??
I mean, he 'doesn't lie' right? So it's not like he's going to tell the client that he spent the long weekend doing fun stuff with me because I was off work... But he'll say.... Oh... Holiday... Yeah... And let the client think that... While in reality I spent the weekend alone.
It's just such a strange twisted thought process...
This also has me thinking about something else which is a different topic...

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athene1399

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Re: Avoiding responsibility
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2020, 12:35:54 PM »
I guess I imagined working on Monday if everyone has off.  ;)

In all seriousness, I don't understand why he has to ask you to confirm anything about who has off for the holiday. He pressured you until you gave the answer he wanted, so why bother asking in the first place? It sounds to me like he is concocting half-truths in order to fabricate a lie he doesn't have to tell.  I am sorry this happened. I would be pretty annoyed.

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11JB68

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Re: Avoiding responsibility
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2020, 02:42:04 PM »
 :yeahthat:
And also he doesn't have to take responsibility.... For the lie/misinformation or the work not being done.

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GettingOOTF

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Re: Avoiding responsibility
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2020, 03:23:45 PM »
My ex would do things like this. He’d have weeks to work on something but use a stupid excuse like “yesterday was a holiday” for not being finished.

He insisted on doing a $$$ course through a university. It was taught by a guy very well known in his field and was highly competitive to get in to but he did and I paid. The goal was to build a portfolio, which he needed to get a job.

He never did the homework. He left it until the last minute and then say he couldn’t do it because the internet was down, or there was construction or he had a doctor’s appointment. He’d get so defensive and really fight his point to me.

In the end the instructor told him to stop coming back.

Then of course he wouldn’t look for a job because he didn’t have a portfolio which was not his fault. If the instructor hadn’t kicked him out he would have a great portfolio.

It’s funny because typing this I remember how embarrassed I was for him.

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11JB68

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Re: Avoiding responsibility
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2020, 11:52:20 PM »
And forget about taking any responsibility for his own health/recovery. I have to figure out and shop for and cook healthy meals. I have to put out his pills morning and night. (Even pd fil told him today he should be doing that himself!!) I had to obtain the bp cuff... Set it up... Then I passed it to him, said here put this on your arm ("You do it")  :unsure:
Then to make it worse he adds in his normal weird passive aggressive stuff... Leaves the TV on full blast, leaves the room, then calls out instructions to me from the other room....I cannot hear him! ("Pills!")
*Sigh*
I can't do this.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Avoiding responsibility
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2020, 12:26:43 AM »
If you don't want to do it, stop doing it. 

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Bowsy26

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Re: Avoiding responsibility
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2020, 05:01:05 PM »
If you don't want to do it, stop doing it.

Aah, simple, not easy.  I've been working on this with my dxnpdh for years.  About 10 years ago, I began teaching him how to pay pills.  He proceeded to do it his own way rather than how I showed him and messed up our online banking majorly.   :aaauuugh:  This was after about 6 months of walking him through it and having him take notes.  Two years ago, feeling really frustrated, I came up with a brilliant (if I may toot my own horn) plan.  :applause:  I had him open his own checking account, linked it to our joint account, assigned him certain bills that would have little or no effect on me and told him I would transfer the amount of those bills into his personal account from which he could pay them.  So if he has no Hulu, it is his own problem.  I have little enough time for TV.  This has worked ever since.  After 2 months of trying to get me to "teach" him more clearly, he gave up and has paid his bills without messing it up.  11JB68, if your H is like mine, you have to be prepared for the payback if you refuse them something because they do not take NO lightly.  :doh: While I don't dole out his pills anymore, I do still check by counting that he is taking what he is supposed to.  Although he more I am learning, I realize he would be smart enough to flush a pill a day if he didn't want to take them.  Why not fill the prescription???  No, more fun to pay for it and then put the family on eggshells.   :stars:  Ugghh, the more I read on this, the crazier I feel right now.  I hope that gets better in time???    Oh, I just discovered the emoji's, lol.   :tongue2: 

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Bowsy26

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Re: Avoiding responsibility
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2020, 05:03:42 PM »
Ugh, I should have previewed. 

Should be "why not just not fill the prescription" and "although the more I am learning, I"   :doh: