2 weeks NC and she hasn't given up...

Started by freedom77, February 22, 2020, 08:47:25 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

freedom77

It's been 2 weeks since I went NC with BPD/N mother...I blocked her, but my cell phone keeps blocked messages in a blocked box that is viewable, there sits scores of messages from her sent at all hours...
Blocked numbers can still leave voicemails...she has left a few angry, accusatory and demanding voice messages in that voice she gets when she wants to harness control over me.

Now yesterday she called my job. Many years ago when I went NC she pulled that stunt, even got me fired once.

I was sitting at my computer charting, when the unit secretary, a very young 20 year old approached me and asked if she could ask me a personal question...I was so busy at the moment trying to get my charting done and keep up with my workload of patients...I was taken aback and cautiously asked what kind of personal question..?

She told me my mother was on the phone demanding to speak with me and wanting to know my work schedule, and informed this young lady that I haven't been speaking to her and what kind of person, what kind of daughter, what kind of nurse treats THEIR OWN MOTHER this way??? I can hear her voice saying just that...because she's said it to me many times when I've tried to instill boundaries.

I was very grateful the young lady had the maturity to put my mother on hold and come talk to me first.

The outcome is that I spoke to the front receptionist and she will try to screen my mother from getting transferred back to the unit. The unit secretary told my mother that it's against workplace policy to give out any info on employees...that didn't stop mother though she continued to pepper the girl with questions until the girl finally said I have to go now goodbye...

Mother has threatened to walk over to my apartment, just a mile from hers, but so far I don't think she has.

She has also left text messages in the blocked box demanding I come pick up her internet equipment and return it to the provider or she will have  to pay $120 fee and how can I leave her in the lurch like this after all she's done for me? I am the most ungrateful person...on and on...She apparently shut off her internet because she can't afford it since I'm no longer paying the bill or paying for her cell phone. Better yet, she demands I come pick her up and TAKE her to the office to return equipment, thereby affording her the opportunity to verbally abuse me the entire way there and back.

She likes to do that. Have you trapped in a vehicle for miles and miles while she verbally bashes you.

Well I googled today and found out that she can drop the equipment to a UPS store located within very close walking distance from her flat for free. I'm certain the internet provider made her aware of this option.

I really don't want to respond to her. Every interaction with her results in abuse and injury to me and my DD.


GettingOOTF

It probably doesn't feel like it but two weeks isn't a long time. It took my family a month to figure out I was NC then the attacks stated. They were minor compared to yours.

Keep doing what you are doing. Getting in contact with her will simply reset the clock on all the crazy. I have a very supportive workplace. When I had issues with my ex I let them know. Can you let someone senior know where you work in case she does try something crazy?

I'm sorry she's making it so hard for you. Of course she knows she's can return the internet router, she's trying to get you to reach out.

You are doing great. This is so hard.

SunnyMeadow

Quote from: freedom77 on February 22, 2020, 08:47:25 AM
She likes to do that. Have you trapped in a vehicle for miles and miles while she verbally bashes you.

Been there, done this. It's terrible and incredibly stressful because you're trapped. I felt the biggest amount of intense dislike for my mother when this would happen.

Stay strong, stay NC to protect yourself and your daughter. Please don't respond and don't listen to her messages. If she was a caring mother, those messages would be filled with love and tenderness for a daughter who is struggling, not woe is me and anger. They aren't worth it.


PeanutButter

Hold strong and stand your ground! Dont give in to her. That is the purpose of the ramping up of everything she can think of to say and do and threaten to do.
If she walks to your house lol she will just have to walk right back because you dont have to answer your door. Thats right! You can sit on the couch with the tv blaring and ignore, ignore, and ignore her. If she becomes volatile or threatening just call the police and ask them to remove her from your property.
You dont ever have to give in to her no matter what she does. Isnt that fantastic? Her days, no years of controlling you are finished. She cant boss you around. She cant verbally abuse you. She cant MAKE you do anything you dont want to do. So if you dont want to see or talk to her then dont.
Good luck! You are doing a great job protecting yourself. You deserve this protection! You always deserved to be protected. Im sorry that you were not.
If there is a hidden seed of evil inside of children adults planted it there -LundyBancroft  Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong good or bad -DebbieFord The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none -Thomas Carlyle

P&K

Hang in there! I have been where you are now with a nbpdmil though I never dealt with the outright attacks to my face. It definitely escalated for much longer than I expected( NC followed with 1.5 years of behaviour similar to your BM) but that was ultimately DHs problem to handle, not mine. A good relationship meant I was to take a backseat in my FOC, tolerate covert abuse while she played happy family with my own and enablers allowed her to carry on her toxic behaviour.

Hold your ground, do what feels right for you and yours. You will come to see that their tactics are ultimately empty threats. The emotional side can be very challenging, but you are NOT WRONG to protect yourself.

IME,  giving another chance just teaches them that's how long they need to persist for you to give in and continue the cycle. I did 5-6 rounds of this over 8 years. It didn't change the behaviour and the cycle resumed right on schedule. The lies, attacks and smears were over the top when she decided waifing wasn't working. It was laughable once I got past the initial outrage. Projection at its finest.

I have taken the stance that their need for compassion (En speak and insistence they can't help it)  does not overrule my right to be free of abuse.

The others here are sharing sound advice. She is not helpless and she openly admits she does not have your best interests in mind by the way she speaks to you. It's very hard, be kind to yourself. You deserve it and owe to yourself for a better life.  Much peace and love to you!

TwentyTwenty

I'm sorry you are going through this.

In my case,  I have 7 or 8 recordings from VM in my blocked messages as you mentioned how the phone handles them. I have not listened to any of them. I will not listen to any of them. There is nothing in them that will assist me on my journey to healing and restoration. If by chance I ever need them for legal reasons, I'll just hand them over to my lawyer, then delete them from my phone. Why would you listen to something that you know is going to cause damage?

It's awesome that your work will weed out her calls, that is a definite help.. I would have asked the exact same.

Personally, I'd try to find a way to make her volume a ZERO. Indefinitely.



freedom77

Thank you guys for your time and responses...I do appreciate it.

She's still leaving tons of text messages on the daily. I don't read them all. I skim over some so as to know what she's up to.

Eventually, once I feel more safe that she will not do anything...I'll probably change my number.

MamaDryad

You're right not to respond. Stay strong!