WOW...a BIG BLOW UP!!!!

[sarandro]

OK...last night was a sleepless one and this morning I thought I should tell him just how much he hurts me with his behaviours.
It got a bit heated, I am alarmed with myself for coming forth with the honest truth about our situation.

I told him...
'You don't respect me or my needs'
'Surely you can see how cruel and mean you are?'
'If we carry on like this...our marriage will not survive'
'I don't want to be married to someone who treats me like an enemy'
'How can you sleep in that bed, without cleaning it?'
Etc Etc...
I said
'I want you to leave (swearing)...look around this house and see what things are yours...some clothes...bits and pieces that's it, not much. It's been me who has made this place a home for you. Yes, you earned some of the money, but lots of this stuff is mine'
I told him that I would go, but I have nowhere to go and he knows this (he at least can go and stay with his Mum !)
( In his relationship before me, he just upped and left on his motorbike when things got hairy, leaving all his mess of stuff behind and never looked back.)

He says he is sorry, he doesn't want to leave, he can't help himself sometimes. Pretends not to have heard me ask for help!

I say that sorry is not going to cut it...actions speak louder...and what is he going to do to make everything OK.
You can either go away or try to change the way you speak to me.

I told him I want rid of that mattress and I want a new one, so we may be able to attempt a new start and try to make our marriage work, if not he will have to vacate the master bedroom and have the smaller room...living together, but apart.

I said...no more washing your clothes or cooking your food...you will have to do this yourself.

He looked hurt and bewildered, like a small child...he really does not know why I am so mad at him!!!
So, he's gone out on his bike to think things over.

He will make himself into the victim with our sons (22/23)...Mum is a bit mad, remember..look at what I have to put up with.
They saw me crying last night, so I felt I had to explain a little...they were appalled and know it isn't right that he speaks to me this way.
I hate that they sometimes witness this awful stuff.
Me being awful in response to him etc...(The Cycle of Abuse)

How do I stop myself getting upset..is it even possible to find a way to make things better?