I'm back, and dh is regressing

[Penguincat]

I haven't been on this forum in a long time. My dh made a lot of positive changes a couple years ago...miraculous, really, that he did it without getting therapy. I had been reading "Why Does He Do That?" and he found it and screamed at me for days, but then he started making changes. The random outbursts of anger subsided. He didn't demand apologies constantly. The kids noticed it. everything seemed to be getting better.

Fast forward to now. Dh is under a lot of stress at work, and his sister died suddenly a few months ago, leaving an estate mess to sort out. Dh is falling back into the old patterns. He's blaming me for being "insensitive" and not anticipating his needs. He's angry when I text him, because he is tired of dropping everything to answer. Then he's angry when I don't text him enough. He tells me he's overwhelmed with work, then yells at me for being insensitive by not calling him to apologize for a fight he started.  He starts fights and accuses me of starting them. He complains about how sexually frustrated he is, but then turns down encounters. He demands detailed apologies, then tells me I don't really mean it, or that I'm just repeating things he told me to say. I spent the afternoon crying because I recognize all the signs and it's happening again. I'm back in the "toolbox" desperately trying to find a way out.

Just here looking for some support. So sad right now.

[11JB68]

Starting fights but accusing you of starting them... Yes, that.
I think a lot of it is projection.

[Cascade]

Sorry to hear that your husband has been regressing. I hope it's not permanent. My husband was a lot worse after his father died. In my husband's case I don't think it was grieving so much as anger at how his the will was mishandled.

[SparkStillLit]

My updh did something like this. Things got really bad, then he somehow turned himself around for....I dunno, several years.
Now he's been backsliding horribly for the last few years, and here we are to horrible again. I don't know what set it off, but like you I'm discouraged and sad. He does ALL super similar nonsense to yours.
Here I am, trying for helping myself and to support my sisters and brothers in this however I can. So much love to you....we can get through! Together!