How to Spot a PD False Accusation

[TriedTooHard]

I'm aware its common for a PD to make up false accusations about others, but does anyone have any guidance for what to believe, and what not to believe?

I'm asking because it is known in my circle that I support people who come out and say they were molested.  But, some uPDs in my FOO have cooked up a horrible story about someone else in my FOO.  This someone else is no angel and I'm not a big fan.  But they're accusing him of being a child molester, and now he and his FOC are fighting back.

And of course, the uPDs are acting all shocked and offended that someone would have such a bad reaction to this type of accusation. 

[eyesopen]

The false accusations I've witnessed seem to be rooted in one or both of these two things: (1) projection and (2) splitting.  And even if the basis of the accusation is true, there may be quite a bit of exaggeration and embellishment added on top to make it sound worse than it really is.

So how do you know what to believe?  Well, you can't read anyone's mind, but you can consider the objective facts for yourself.  Why are they making an accusation?  What's their motive?  What do they have to gain by putting someone else down?

If it's projection, then the PD is trying to divert attention from their own flaws by directing you to judge someone else's alleged flaws.  Think carefully about why the PD is accusing this other person.

If it's splitting, the PD has decided that they hate this person and they'll do anything to take them down.  They want to cut off all that person's support (friends & family) and isolate them as punishment for whatever they did to offend the PD.  The PD wants to control everyone else's perception of the person to match their own.

Whenever someone speaks poorly of someone else, it usually says more about the person making the accusation than the accused.  An exception would be if the accused actually were bad (i.e. a child molester) and the accusation is made to protect themselves and others.

But if a person really were molesting children, there would likely be police involvement.  With something that serious, you don't just spread rumors about someone, you involve the authorities so they can be dealt with by the judicial system.  If no one is willing to involve the police, that's a big red flag in my book that the accusation isn't entirely true.

[NumbLotus]

As a person whose best friend was molested by her father, some of that was very hard to read. One of several examples is the idea that there would be police involvement in the case of child molestation. Of the several people that I know who were molested as children, I can't think of one instance of police involvement.

[eyesopen]

Sorry, I'm clearly out of my depth here.  A cousin was a molested by a neighbor and police were immediately involved, so my experience is limited.  I shouldn't have generalized the way I did.

Backing away from the police involvement, maybe instead look at the specificity of the accusation as well as what the PD is inferring should be done about it.  A vague accusation can be less convincing than a specific one.  Just calling someone a child molester without any other detail sounds like character assassination.  But inclusion of any who/what/when/where detail in the accusation can give it more credibility.  Also looking at how the PD wants people to respond, do they just want people to shun this person or do they want some kind of justice for the victim(s)?

In general, to figure out the truth of accusations (any type), it helps to look at the accuser, accused, and circumstances from several angles to try and get an objective and informed viewpoint.  Since the subject of this specific accusation is obviously a sensitive subject that I don't have much personal experience with, I'll bow out. 

[NumbLotus]

I understand, and I also have a tendency to jump in here to things I should leave to others, which I'm trying to work on.

I did jump in here because I did have the experience of seeing how sensitive this subject is, and what a kick in the gut some things can be, even if well intended.

[TriedTooHard]

Please be assured that the uPDs making the allegations are not saying they were the victims.  They're saying they don't like how this guy greets people and how his adult children turned out, so they're assuming he's a molester.   

NumbLotus, I too know some people who were molested as children and there was no police involvement at the time to rescue them.  When they grew up and came forward, they filed police reports.   I asked one of them about this situation, and he agreed its very difficult to navigate.  He knows the uPDs making the accusations and is not surprised.  He thinks its one more incident in a long list of incidents of why I should stay away from them.

Eyesopen, you bring up an interesting point about splitting.  I think that's what's going on here.  They feel under appreciated, and they want this person shunned.

I had been keeping contact to weddings, funerals, etc.  Lately, mostly funerals.  And this is what I get sucked into, just by trying to pay my respects.  Things were quiet for a while.  I thought everyone was settling down.  And now this.  Its mind numbing.

Thanks for your replies and sorry for the content of this question.  This PD stuff is very tragic.   

[Phoenix Rising]

As a person whose best friend was molested by her father, some of that was very hard to read. One of several examples is the idea that there would be police involvement in the case of child molestation. Of the several people that I know who were molested as children, I can't think of one instance of police involvement.

I agree with you

[Fortuna]

Please be assured that the uPDs making the allegations are not saying they were the victims.  They're saying they don't like how this guy greets people and how his adult children turned out, so they're assuming he's a molester.   

If they are assuming he's a molester, then they are just spreading rumors. If there isn't a person involved they know was molested that points to this guy, then you really can't say he is. Not liking how a persons children turned out or not liking how he greets people seems to be a far cry from that to must be a molester. Unless a target of the molestation is coming to you I'd be wary, spreading the idea he is a molester based on an assumption seems more like a smear campaign.