she's moving out today!

[Associate of Daniel]

Eyesopen, I'm glad things seem to be going smoothly and that you are managing to keep a positive attitude.

May I gently suggest something?

It might be wise to remove the photos and decore gradually rather than all at once.

I have 2 reasons for that.

Firstly, it might be difficult for your dd to come home to such a sudden change.

Maybe remove only a few things at first, and perhaps rearrange a few items.  Keep a few photos of your ex for your dd in her room.  Over a longer period of time you can gradually remove the remaining items.

Despite everything, your ex is still your dd's mum and your dd undoubtedly feels love and loyalty to her.  That should be encouraged and supported (even though it is  REALLY hard at times) and one way to validate your dd's feelings is to not immediately erase all physical memories of her mum from your home.

There is a school of thought that to do so is a form of parental alienation.  I think I read that in the book "Divorce Poison".

I suggest too, to keep a few photos of the family occasions (your wedding, birthdays, holidays etc) to give to your dd when she is older, when she leaves home.

My 2nd reason is that, if you're anything like me, you will go through many stages where you feel the need to purge your ex out of your system.  Even years down the track.

I've found that having kept various items from the marriage, it has helped to have them to physically get rid of at those times.  If I'd discarded everything at once I wouldn't have had that tool to help me in those times.

I completely understand your wanting a fresh slate as soon as possible abd if you didn't have a dd, I'd be cheering you on in this wholeheartedly.  But, from my experience, I've found the slower approach to be better for both my ds and me.

AOD

[eyesopen]

As enthusiastic as I am about changing things around the house, there's a lot of stuff that exw left behind that I don't want to keep.  With a full time job and only so much space in my vehicle to haul things to Goodwill or the dump, I can probably do no more than a room or two per week.  I also spoke with DD about doing some redecorating and solicited some of her inputs, so she's excited about helping pick out new furnishings and decorations when the time comes.

On another note, I had a boundary enforcement win recently.  Exw wanted my Netflix password and when I initially declined to give it to her, she said it was only so that DD could watch when she's with her.  I didn't fall for her lame reason and didn't give it to her.  It's a small win, but gave me a test where I was able to hold my ground.

[BeautifulCrazy]

I think what AoD says is worth thinking about. But also encourage you to do what you need / want to. I did an immediate overhaul and was very honest with the kids. I told them separating was hard for grownups too and that having the reminders of daddy was upsetting for me and I wanted to make the space more about the three of us and our new adventure. We framed up pictures of the kids with the important people in their lives (including their dad and grandparents) and made cool displays in their rooms. I also let them include pictures of myself and ex together like wedding photos and vacation photos that they liked.
Then I went to town on the rest of the house. I did keep some things I thought they might want when they were older.
Congratulations on your week!! I'm so happy for you and your changes and progress!! You deserve to feel good!!