Freezing

[Associate of Daniel]

I've just watched a Dr. Ramani youtube video on the freeze response many people have when dealing with narcissists.

Freeze - as in Fight, Flight or Freeze.

It's something I do a lot with my ds13's uNPD smum. She is very aggressive, even just in the tone of her voice.

Over the years my freeze response has moved from being caused by fear to just being utterly flabbergasted that she could behave that way.

But it's also that anything I say to her, or even to other people within her earshot, will be used against me later in an unrecognisable form as an accusation.

The fact is that no word of mine is safe.  So, I freeze. There is no safe response that I can give to her.  And any response, even walking away without engaging with her, feeds her supply.

It is so frustrating!  I am very friendly and confident with anyone I converse with.  Just not with her.

I also cower/hide/keep myself out of her line of sight as much as possible when I have to be in her presence.  Is that the freeze response too?

Anyway, I just thought I'd comment about it.

AOD

[NumbLotus]

Intriguing question as to whether avoidance, staying out of sight, etc., is part if freeze, or maybe flight, or is own separate defense mechanism.

When I was younger, I would try to keep cool or shut down (Freeze), then when that didn't work I'd blow up (Fight), and then I'd shortly after leave (Flight).

Now I pretty much only Avoid and Freeze. I almost never Fight, and am not really able to flee (Flight) anymore.

There is another method, Fawn. I almost never ever do that. It is a huge emergency if I do that.

[Associate of Daniel]

Ah yes.  Fawning.

I flatly refuse to do that. It makes me sick to the stomache thinking about it and I just want to have a shower and scrub myself clean.

Funnily enough, on the weekend I found myself in a situation where I thought I might have to say admiring things/thanks about the uNPD smum in public.  I spent a good hour trying to come up with SOMETHING, ANYTHING that would give her the adulation she needed in front of her adoring crowd, but not betray my own integrity.

I couldn't think of anything so I hid until the moment was over.

The levels we stoop to  to protect ourselves!

AOD