Did everyone else think your BPD is completely normal?

Started by PenName, March 04, 2020, 11:23:04 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

PenName

I think one thing that was very hard for me to get Out of the FOG was that me ex seemed to have it all very much together to the outside world...good job, very professional, talks the talk, walks the walk, etc.

I think this added to my feeling that maybe most of the issues were my fault. The feedback seems to be that she is such a catch, has it all together. Am I the only one that seems to set her off? She said she never had 4 hour arguments with exes. I don't think she ever has blowups around family...

Just curious if anyone else can relate to that feeling?

notrightinthehead

Most people will assume that others are as normal as they are. Remember, personality disorders are difficult to diagnose because most of the traits are traits of normal people. We all have them. Just in people with personality disorders they are exagerated, inflexible, disordered. It seems your ex is a highly functioning individual therefore not many people will notice anything.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

Sequoia

Yes, my BPDh has all the charm and personality that draws people in. And admittedly, i forget how terrible he can be with me when i see him with other people because he does a very convincing job of playing the part. He's outgoing and thoughtful and will go out of his way to do acts of service for other people. I'm still in the fog, and working to remind myself that if he's able to hold his temper in public there's no reason he can't hold it with me in private. And when i'll complain of his problematic behavior i'm met with "well what did you do for him to react like that?"

ICantThinkOfAName

using MC will kill those 4 hour arguments.  And I'm sorry you are dealing with this, yes it is a bit of cognitive dissonance when you see the façade of someone with PD and then see the mask come off.  It's like the frog on the WB who won't dance and sing for an audience.  I often feel like the frog handler wishing that others would see it and say something and then wondering is it just me?  Am I crazy?