What's with the TV all the time?

[Andeza]

I am currently NC with my disordered M, but all this drama in the media lately over a particular illness has brought back a flood of memories for me.

Following the 9/11 attacks here in the US, the TV was pretty much on, all the time, in our house. So as a preteen I was exposed to the all the panic, terror, and general mayhem that followed with the anthrax letters, and then the next year with SARS. That was the year I hardly ate, felt ill every time I did eat, and dealt with what I recognize in hindsight was extreme stress levels for a kid my age.

In the morning, uBPDm HAD to sit and watch the local news for an hour or two, then watch two to four hours of the big news company out of New York, then back to an hour of local news over lunch, then put on a movie for the early afternoon, then MORE local news at 5, followed by the nightly news at 6, and then maybe watch a sitcom until I had to go to bed. The TV was literally on from 5 int he morning, until 11-12 at night. Every. Single. Day. And my understanding is that this is still her habit some 19 years later.

Is this a common trait among pwPDs? Do they feed off the drama in the headlines? Or do they do it to stress us out and then more obviously feed off our own discomfort?

If you were to ask her why the TV is on all the time, she would say she needs it for company. That just hearing the voices is comforting...

[11JB68]

As with everything else on here idk that we can say it's a "PD thing".
Uocpdh had to have it on all the time. Works from home, it is on all day... In the background, he needs the sound in the background. Has to have it on to fall asleep in bed too.
If we go away the first thing he does is turn on the TV in the hotel room... Not sit on the balcony or hot the pool, etc...
Went to a friend's place once for a weekend...TV but no cable, he was incensed.

[Whiteheron]

MIL has the TV on all the time - she says for company. But she seems to need to hear the bad things so she can get all worked up and talk about them. Ad nauseum. I think mostly she is lonely (and has some fleas) and needs to find things to talk about. She leaves it on for most of the day, even if she's outside gardening. If she turns it off, the radio goes on. Always noise, never peace and quiet.

stbx was weird about tv. He complained that it was on all the time, but never wanted to turn it off. I remember not being able to make plans or go out to dinner because he had to be home to watch the reruns of his shows...
In the past 5-10 years, stbx has developed this insatiable need to keep abreast of all the current negativity so he can panic and create panic and chaos in his personal life. He would do this frequently when we were married. It was a terrible roller coaster ride - I had to have just the right amount of interest/panic/paranoia otherwise he would rage, belittle, demean, and end up telling me how stupid I was because I didn't realize the gravity of his imagined scenarios.

I am sure with the current virus going around, he's glued to the tv/internet and working himself into a tizzy. He told the kids last week there were people in our local hospital with the virus....when there were no reported cases in our state (DS asked me to check). stbx actually sent me a text warning me (he believes he knows more than the health professionals). I ignored it. I am so glad I am out of his panic zone, but feel bad he's trying to pull the kids into it. I am presenting a calm, factual front for the kids, whereas stbx is a twisted ball of panic and worry.

He is very doomsday oriented, needing to plan, overplan, then plan some more. I think it's his way of trying to control a situation where he has zero control. TV/internet just adds fuel to the fire.

[Phoenix Rising]

I'm not sure that having the TV on all the time is a PD thing. Have known many people that aren't PD who do this.. living alone and such.

I think though what could make it a PD thing is when they leave the TV on and take any aspect of the news and try to flip it on them. E.g. someone wins a huge lotto jackpot and the PD person goes on a tirade, attacking the person and saying how undeserving the winner is and how the PD person is more deserving.

[11JB68]

Ingenting, you mentioned "living alone and such"...
So ok if you live alone I get it... But I see it with uocpdh as one of many ways that he isolates himself... He has a family here to spend time with... The TV goes on and no one is allowed to talk. We eat dinner in front of the TV. That was one thing I tried to set a boundary about early in our marriage. He pushed it, I said fine but when we have kids we won't do this he agreed. Yet when the time came he wouldn't change this. Once ds had a homework assignment to keep a journal for a few days of eating dinner with family with no devices (phones TV etc). Again, h was incensed, hated it!

[Phoenix Rising]

Yeah NPDex used to the TV to demean or ignore me. It is a bit different than what was described previously. I can't remember more than 2 or 3 times where I was allowed to choose something to watch when we were both present. It was always sports (that he liked). Tried to be cool with it but then he would make comments about women playing sports, how "women can't play football", that they "needed to stay in the kitchen".  I think the act of watching TV or having it on in itself is not PD (going from the title of the thread and some of the commentary) but the way it is used to cross boundaries, abuse, blame control and otherwise create problems in the surrounding interpersonal relationships certainly is. Sorry if I sounded dismissive in my previous response in any way.

[GettingOOTF]

I don't know that it's strictly a PD "thing" but I think it points to some kind of emotional issue. My BPDxH has the TV on all the time. He also has major issues with being alone.

I live alone. I only have the TV on when I'm actively watching something. I'm very comfortable with silence and being by myself.  My theory is that people who have the TV on all the time aren't confident and comfortable within themselves, which would also apply to PDs. When I was married I saw my exes need for the TV to be on constantly as one of his many insecurities. He simply couldn't sit alone with his thoughts. That's my personal view, not based on any actual study of it. Having the TV on all the time is one of my "flags" when I meet people though. I have noticed a big difference in the types of people who have to have it one and those that don't.

[BeautifulCrazy]

I don't think having TV perpetually on is necessarily PD. Although it sounds like weaponizing the TV might be.
Just as others have noted, my uPDh uses tv for a whole bunch of things that are dysfunctional or damaging.
He will turn it on to avoid or escape conversation.
He uses it to exclude others during silent treatment.
He uses it to make others feel small or worthless by forcing his choices on the entire family and complaining about what others enjoy. We will watch something even he is not interested in, just so he can deny others.
He uses it to bully the kids. He sometimes sits and watches an entire sporting event just because one of the kids' favourite teams are playing and losing. He will comment rudely the entire time. If they are winning, nope, boring, next. Opposite if one of his teams is playing. We watch if they are winning, if losing the game sucks and is boring.
He uses it to create drama and catastrophe and to fuel his rants and justify his paranoia. Andeza, he does very much feed off the news drama!!
He uses it to avoid self-reflection. A couple of posters mentioned insecurity and discomfort "being alone with one's thoughts". That really rings true. I think that is huge with my uPDh.
He uses it to fill space where others have hobbies and interests. He can't be seen doing something just because he enjoys it. Neither can he be observed learning new things (except passively, like by reading or tv) because he hates to be seen doing anything less than perfectly. Can't fail at TV.
Whiteheron, ingenting and 11JB68, Yes! Yes! And YES!! All of that. Especially this

I had to have just the right amount of interest/panic/paranoia otherwise he would rage, belittle, demean, and end up telling me how stupid I was

Andeza, your M sounds soooo much like my MIL! Her craziness over 24/7 news and the dramatic and paranoid conversations we were forced to be part of is one of the primary reasons my kids and I are VVVLC with her.

[Andeza]

Hmm, okay, this is all making good sense. Being alone with their thoughts seems to be the underlying association or perhaps cause for the constant TV consumption. And as a symptom of the problem, any drama that can be stirred up is then done so just to make the rest of us squirm.

It follows logically too, because I've had PD or flea infested individuals say they couldn't stand taking road trips because there's nothing to do but sit and think. By comparison, I enjoy driving for long periods, even if alone, just for the sake of driving, thinking, seeing pretty things, etc.

I suppose, in regards to PDs, we could then make the assumption that they don't want to be alone with their thoughts in part because being alone and just sitting quietly thinking is a great time for introspection and personal growth. They have pretty much zero desire to change, or to make any kind of permanent change at least, so why bother or be bothered by it?

Thanks everyone!

[11JB68]

Uocpdh will leave the TV on loud, leave the room, then call out some request (demand) to me from the other room. Then gets frustrated that I can't hear him...
Also, he's now ready for bed earlier, but has been turning up the bedroom TV louder than usual, making it harder for me to get to sleep...

[NumbLotus]

For the record, those foam ear plugs can be really useful. I had an entirely different husband issue and eventually had to use them. I had to get used to them because I could hear my heartbeat in my ears with them - and back then, with the rages, my heart was just pounding all the time.

But after a short period of adjustment I use them even when I'm at my (entirely pleasant, safe, and quiet) mom's house.