New Here, Confused, Alone, Heartbroken

[whitedeer]

Hello all - new poster. I just read Long Time's pinned post "An open letter to my fellow new (and not so new) non's" and tears started streaming down my face.

I've come over from sister site OOTS having been led there due to my C-PTSD diagnosis, but was recommended to join here, too, for more resources/support. I'm entering an era in my life where complete distance (NC or LC) with family and my best friend (who sides with family) is becoming more and more called for, and it is breaking my heart and making me feel like I am losing my mind.

I always thought I was very close with family. But NPD appears to have been lurking there all along. Now they've all turned backs on me (using apathy, inducing guilt, manipulation, deflection/blame) and on my DH, isolating/cutting us out, and it feels like punishment for opening up to/confronting them about my CPTSD's causes (EA, PA, SA from D / Bro, neg from M). My DH is not perfect and can trigger me, but I feel safer with him, despite what family is trying to paint him as.

Feeling more alone than I've ever had in my life and aching for clarity. And hoping to connect. And very much hope to provide the same in return for this forum, giving support and clarity in return   Thank you in advance, everyone. I can't wait to meet and interact here...

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group-

i'm sorry that life has brought you here, but i'm glad you are reaching out both here and at out of the storm.

it is overwhelming at first when you realize that the family you cherish may also be the family that is at the root of the CPTSD- both DH and myself have uPD family members so i can relate to what he shares with me and vice versa. 

from what you've shared so far, these board may be a good fit for support and validation for you

Dealing with PD Parents
Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members

when you're ready to share more- we're listening.  hope to see you on the board soon.

[Cobalt117]

Hello,you're welcome

[Spring Butterfly]

Adding my welcome and so glad you found us here. It feels like punishment because it is punishment. Hoover's (see the list of 100 traits) of all sorts are designed to get us back in line and stop rocking the boat, standing up as an individual or taking back our power.

It's unfortunate when we have to choose between peace within ourselves and protect ourselves or peace with others but that is the difficult no-win situation people with PD present to others in their life.

Wishing you peace and healing.

[whitedeer]

Thank you so much for your welcomes and suggestions 

Even just waking up and reading this board has helped my feelings dramatically... I don't feel so alone.

Yes, it feels very much like punishment... And I still can't believe I'm getting this from FOO, never would have expected the day. Especially since all of them don't have PD disorders (only one uNPD I suspect) but the rest enable, carry out, and enforce their behavior/rules on the rest... Some even do the hoovering for them!!! 

I also just don't know how to carry on thinking about it. Like, do they know full well what they're doing? Or completely oblivious despite how insidious or calculated it all feels... The fact FOO would be okay seeing me hurt, hurts.