EnD Denial

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No.

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EnD Denial
« on: March 09, 2020, 03:26:21 PM »
My GC sibling and I finally talked to our dad about how each of us feel and why we need to limit visits in their home as Nsm is not tolerable nor pleasant, and we can't take being treated like that or seeing him treated badly anymore.

He defended her, but said he listened and they will work on things. It wasn't a smooth and easy conversation, but we all said what needed to be said thoroughly. That was over the christmas holidays. Hadn't had a call or communication since. Now, called on EnD's b-day, and he went on as if nothing had ever been said and their bond seems even stronger. I felt I was on speaker, and I could tell he was using a tone, and saying things gaslighting what we had already spoken about.

It feels like our parents care so much about everyone BUT us. They are all living out their patterns and think WE have gone off the deep end for changing. They defend everyone's bad behavior, but criticize our attempts at honestly and healing. We are pushed away, pushed out, then blamed for our distance. Maybe I'm realizing family is not for me after all. I get triggered any time I see parents supporting their offspring. I don't think that should have to be a trigger.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2020, 03:28:25 PM by No. »

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Seven

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Re: EnD Denial
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2020, 04:50:36 PM »
That is my mother.  Doesnít care what her kids say, but what everyone else says is gospel.  Then she follows the gospel and when it doesnít work the way she wants, itís everyones fault but hers.

Everyone else is much more important than her kids, and yet GC Bros bend over backwards for her.  Thanks to them, she has learned helplessness.

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No.

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Re: EnD Denial
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2020, 05:59:32 PM »
Seven, I so relate, on the Nm end as well.

So infuriating. So sorry you have to deal with that. Chronic invalidation like that is more damaging than I even thought.

I don't know about yours, but if I say something, it's ignored, laughed or scoffed at, and certainly not listened to. Someone else can say the exact same thing, and lo and behold, it's golden. Sometimes, Nm will then tell ME the information, as if she is enlightening me! Happened all the time. When we weren't NC  ;D

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Maxtrem

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Re: EnD Denial
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2020, 06:06:39 PM »
Basically, I don't think PDs really care about other people unless they get something out of it in return. Comparisons are mainly used to keep us in the FOG, not because they have a sincere consideration for the people they are comparing us with. My mother does this too and I've come to realize that she doesn't care about anyone but herself. And yes, it's hard to see parents supporting their children when they've never known anything but conditional love.  I wish you good luck!