Baiting?

[txmama78]

My husband consistently uses metaphors in which he is the victim and I am the abuser:
-he a dog and I am an abusive owner or
-he is a child and I am an unloving parent or
-he is a parent and I am a rebellious teenager.

This morning, he used a metaphor in which he was the rape victim and I was the uncaring authority who wouldn't even help with the rape kit (I was also the rapist in the metaphor though, so I was a bit confused).

Are these kinds of metaphors an example of baiting, or am I being too sensitive? When I get upset about them, the conversation becomes about how I'm always angry and I don't take criticism well, and I end up thinking maybe I am over-reacting.

[Starboard Song]

You are not too sensitive. That is wrong behavior on his part.

Those are troubling and inflammatory on first instance. After you've indicated that they are upsetting, they are flatly inappropriate. I encourage you to explain that you are open to criticism, but that his figurative language is sometimes inflammatory. You welcome literal criticism, and will attempt to accomodate his needs and complaints.

I'd be very explicit, but not fire up a separate argument about the metaphor. Dismiss the metaphor and only engage with substantive, literal complaints. I am proposing this boundary: you will not accept or engage with these inflammatory metaphors. If you accept that as a boundary, then you have to remember that it takes two to tango, and decline to engage with him on any matter until he drops the metaphor and gets to substance.

Good luck.

[txmama78]

That's very helpful Starboard Song. Thank you for your concrete advice on the type of boundary I should set up around these types of metaphors.