fine line between helping and doing too much

[losingmyself]

My BPH has to have shoulder surgery. This is an injury that happened at work, I think, over a period of time. But still, work. He doesn't want to claim it under workman's comp, because they might "yell at him", and be angry with him. I try to get him to talk to his bosses, they are not very forthcoming in their help, even after 9 years of working there. But he won't. He won't stand up for himself, or ask questions, or try anything. We are going to be screwed. I think that if I push him too much to ask questions, and push the subject with his bosses, try to get help, he'll cancel the surgery. He's a 50 year old man. I shouldn't have to do everything for him. But I am scared about what is going to happen. We cannot live on my paycheck alone. I know he's just expecting me to do everything. I shouldn't have to but if I don't, bad things will happen. Any suggestions? 

[NumbLotus]

He doesn't have regular insurance?

I can say that workman's comp is more like filing a lawsuit than running your Aetna card at the doc's. it's a fight. Not saying you shouldn't - not at all, bastards should pay up - but expect more than just "oh sure, just fill this form out and we'll cover it."

You're right to be concerned that he should get the surgery. That majorly impacts the while family.

Maybe I'm wrong, but if it were me, I might put this in the category of things that I handle because my H can't. Just like my H used to mow the lawn (and I really can't), some things my H is just not equipped to deal with. If the thing affects only him, fine. If the thing affects everyone, maybe it's worth stepping up.

[GettingOOTF]

My BPDxH got laid off and refused to collect unemployment.  We lived off my salary which at the time wasn't much. He would have been entitled to the maximum unemployment amount which would have covered our rent at the time.

I see now that had he been alone he would have claimed. He used every bad thing that happened to him to grind both of us down as much as he could.

You are right that you husband is a grown man and should do these things himself. I see this as the same as situations I was in with my BPDxH - damned if you do, damned if you don't. Looking back I wish I'd taken the option that had the least negative financial impact.

[losingmyself]

Yup, thank you for making me feel better. His insurance will cover the surgery, but he'll have to be off for up to 12 weeks. I think you're right, it affects both of us, and he can't handle it, so I will just suck it up and do what I can, like taxes and loans, etc. The alternative is not acceptable. It's just like a kid, though, he knows that if he doesn't do it, I will. Or we will just suffer. It's frustrating...

[GettingOOTF]

My exes reason for not collecting unemployment was that it was "too much hassle" and "not worth the money". It wasn't too much hassle for me to go into work all day everyday, shop with coupons and go without though.

Fun fact - he used this time to do what ever he wanted, including cheat on me with multiple women while he was out and about making new friends and enjoying his freedoms.

[losingmyself]

I think he is so very concerned about people thinking (finding out) that we need financial help, that he would rather fall to ruins financially as long as we looked good. He wants to be seen as a success.
Asking for help is beneath him.
I'm like "Hey! Over here! I need help!!" As long as we're talking about money. I wish I could do that so easily with my personal stuff.

[NumbLotus]

Workman's comp is a benefit he has earned, not a handout.

[losingmyself]

numblotus...Yes! And any other government help we can get. I feel like as long as we don't take advantage of it and use it when we need it, that is what we pay taxes for.
Last night he sent a form for workers comp to my work email so I could print it. That made me happy, and I told him so..

[SparkStillLit]

My workmans comp wasn't a TOTAL pain in the rear, but yes, you do have to do stuff. My boss helped, too (while I was laying in ER labor-breathing because no pain mitigation and they were DOING STUFF TO MY FOOT. No talking, set off monitor alarms)
It's definitely worth the hassle.  This would have been a zillion.
I completely understand about the category of "stuff he can't/won't do" and if it has adverse effect on anyone else, doing those things. I try to just be proactive with it and DO STUFF (oh yes, there's fallout, try to ignore). Otherwise I get super resentful but you know, that's not a useful mindframe.

[losingmyself]

Thanks, everyone.
So, he gave the workman's comp form to his boss, and she said "i thought you said it happened at home" So, he's right, on top of everything else, they're angry with him at work. They don't want him to run it under WC because they are concerned their premiums will go up with a claim.
This is the woman who said a couple months ago to a guy that H was "Just like a son" to her. What a load of crap.
But, I'll fight, we'll see what happens

[NumbLotus]

I'm not surprised. This is what happens. He needs to follow through on the claim, though. He injured himself working for them, it's just nkt right that they stick him (and you) with the consequences.

[losingmyself]

Yup. It's just not right. Today he's getting the ST at work. However, I have to say, I haven't seen it, and he tends to create how people feel and act based on what he thinks their reactions will be. I will see later today.
I tell him all the time, they can pout and complain, but this is a benefit that you deserve! Don't back down! Thanks to you guys here.
The thing that frustrates me so much is that these people are rich. Paying more on their insurance isn't going to hurt them. H not working for an extended period of time will hurt us for years.