Can’t Even See Him

[Kat54]

I am just waiting for a court date for the judge to finalize our divorce. Have had no interaction or conversation with him in over 3 months.
I was at my friends house and he stopped In briefly to pick up some election papers from her and her husband.  The 4 of us used to be super close. Vacations together, kids did sports together.
It all fell apart when we split. Friends can take sides and my ex showed a lot of crazy behavior in front of them over the years. They tried maintaining a relationship with him but he's X''d them out.
He showed up at their house to pick up these papers and I immediately left so he could go in and get what he needed, maybe hang out. Ugh, it was like flames coming out of his eyes when I walked past him. He wouldn't go in and it was awkward.
So tonight, I've been crying and so sad. In some ways I miss him but what makes me sadder is he's still so angry. While I don't blame him it's sad to see him that way. He never did anything to get me back. Not once looked back and had a conversation. I tried and tried,  But he never saw it that way; it was my issues and problem. He saw I up and left and left our kids. ... they are both out of college.
Can't wait to move and buy my own place.
Peace and love to all!

[notrightinthehead]

Sounds like you feel sad for him. And maybe also a little for yourself, for all the hopes you had to forsake. I think it's good that you can cry about it and then pick yourself up and think about your future and the kind of person you want to become.

[Kat54]

I am sad for him. It didn't have to end this way so it does make me sad also when I think and dwell on it. Its when I see him a lot of mixed emotions come rushing back but looking to the future is exciting and so happy for the next chapter.

I put an offer on a new home and it was accepted so things will really be changing. I'll be living closer to my job and be just over an hour from my kids and most of my family. Being alone in a new city while may be exciting I'll need to find new friends and join something.