I'm worried!!!

[Dodo]

I'm worried because I want to live life to its fullest now that I am in my 60's and I live with a man who doesn't want to travel or go away for weekends, not even do things out of the area of where we live.  I did not know my partner had these issues till we were together for awhile, we had so much in common that I thought wow, I was physically attracted to him and I found him so funny and thoughtful.  Then our realationship progressed and I found out he won't fly, would not even go downtown.  He use (we have only been together 3 years and 2 months) to try and make me feel bad or make a big fuss about me going to visit my sister in law or want to go away for a weekend, but he has changed his tune as I am financially independent and he knew he couldn't control this (he did with his late wife).  Sometime I feel like obviously I'm not going to experience traveling with this man, and not even a week away close to home.  I planned a trip for a week with my family this summer and of course he doesn't want to come.  What to do.....a little depressing

[notrightinthehead]

Seems like you accept him how he is. Trying to change him would set you up for failure and you would waste your energy. Fortunately you are independent and can do the things you want to do. In my opinion, you can choose to live your life to the fullest - spend some time with him when you feel like it as long as he is good company, and travel when you feel like it.

[GettingOOTF]

I read up on Mirroring a while ago. My ex was also a totally different person before we got together so what you experienced is not uncommon.

You won't change him so your choices are to accept him as is and try to build a life around his behavior or to leave.

I chose to leave. I have found it far better to do things alone as a single person than to do things alone as part of a couple. If nothing else I don't have to have the conversions and be disappointed every single time.

I would spend some time looking at what he actually added to my life and whether that outweighed what he took from it.

There are so many ways to travel alone or with groups. You are at an age where many people travel as they are retired. It's totally doable.

[ICantThinkOfAName]

Yes travelling alone is the best!  You eat where you want, go to bed when you want, see the sights you want to see!  All without some grumpy puss telling you how he's tired and the food is bad and driving like a maniac or calling you names because he's tired.  Mine has literally ruined every vacation and each time I vowed NEVER again.  Finally it's a reality and truly never again. 

What's interesting is that what brought us together was a love of the same things.  But slowly over time he stopped doing those things with me, partially because I was actually better in some aspects at those things and he got jealous.  It had nothing to do with actual ability, I went and practiced those things whereas he was good at them initially but refused to practice them.  I still do one of the things and I love it, better without him anyway as he would have a temper tantrum if he didn't do well and it was embarrassing. 

[Dodo]

Such thought provoking advice, especially from Getting Out of the FOG

Thank you 

[1footouttadefog]

Took me 20 years to realize that almost all trips fell apart the third day and went downhill.

I refuse to take more than an overnight trip woth my spouse. 

Took my kids to Canada several times without him and went to Europe with my mom and the kids.  Later went to Japan with the kids.

It is amazing all we were able to do and see and eat and drink and touch and see and feel without a pd involved.   We went to hot springs and visited a mountain park and saw big cities and villages and just got on trains and took them towards a reserved hotel and got off at random places to look around for a couple hours here and there on the way and got back on and went to our reserved hotel. 

Start small amd make going alone the new normal.