All it takes is one interaction

[Jsinjin]

I was treated last week for a severe form of depression that was helping and this morning was completely thrilled my uOCPDw was leaving for the day.     But it took longer than expected for her to get out of the house and through the drama I had to interact.   The explosive alternatingnbetween violently angry and bawling left me so down and drained I was back to feeling terrible again.   The meds were really helping me.   We are all so tired of the yelling and snide remarks here and it just won't let up.    I wish that I didn't forgive and forget so easily.   I forgive anyone and everyone and I am an eternal Pollyanna     

It always resurfaces first with ignoring me then getting angry then  keeping me completely off balance.   

[hhaw]

J:
o
Your wife is in your head.  She can reach in there and touch you without thinking. 

I'm glad the meds are helping.  If it sounds reasonable to you....  it might help to consider seeing a trauma-informed T, with some EMDR experience.  Even if it's just 3 or 4 appointments....  you might find yourself feeling much better very quickly.

It only takes a millisecond for the brain to make big changes.   The brain wants to process difficult things and move them into historic files... OUT of our daily lives.  It just needs the chance.

[Jsinjin]

It's gotten too much   I'm so scared of her   , the kids are too.    She comes in like a whirlwind furious and picking apart everything, plates stacked wrong, missing socks in her laundry, the way things are put in the freezer, the things dd, dd2 or ds have done or not done.   It's like fragile ice ready to drop out from undery you and once the cracks start and she has you in her thoughts it won't stop.   It's gotten so bad my anxiety and ideation are back.   I have to finish that house and get out of here.

[notrightinthehead]

No need to answer - just something to think about: Have you opened your own bank account that she knows nothing about, yet?

[hhaw]

I hope you're documenting her behavior so you can show the court what you and your children are AFRAID of when you use those words in a courtroom.

How will you protect your children?

Please breathe..... 4 seconds in, hold for 4, exhale 4 seconds.  This is called tactical breathing used by law enforcement when they're under intense pressure. 

If you breathe...... really take time to do it mindfully..... you can yourself down...... think more clearly.... see possibilities and problem-solve for the best possible outcome.

Documenting is a priority as is having a good exit strategy. 

YOu can do this.

[Free2Bme]

jinsin,

IME, the anxiety and ideation are reactions to the stress, a symptom of the problem but not the core problem.  Solve the problem and the symptoms are alleviated or eliminated.
I can appreciate that you are trying to navigate this situation and mental/emotional energy is low, completely understandable under the circumstances.  But if there is anyway to capture and focus your energy toward a solution this will create relief for you. 

Th house you mentioned that you are preparing.  Is there a way you can minimize  preparations so you can move in sooner, rather than later?  If you have something to work towards it can be so helpful in creating hope.

There is peace, there is hope, there is a future without this terrible environment for you and your children.  Trust that the process of creating change will lead to this peace for you.   

Stay close here and let us know how you are doing