Stay Strong!

[TwentyTwenty]

In our blocked email bucket, which I never respond to but check from time to time, came the 'goodbye, we're sick and wish we could see you one more time' (paraphrased) message.

So, heading into another year of no contact, no responses and the happiest times of my life... My parents (if they are even really sick) want to get me face to face with the virus and infect me also.

So, I'll pass, again. Not really from a virus perspective, but just because it really doesn't matter this reason, or the next reason or at any time in the future, it seems a PD person will never allow a good pandemic to go to waste to further their cause. 

[BettyGray]

So true - the more extreme a health crisis or life event, we can be certain that NPDs will inevitably try to use it to their advantage. That's why they love talking about the sick and dying - vampires of sympathy that they are.

Before I went NC almost 5 years ago, I endured Hurricane Sandy. My town almost completely destroyed, no power or contact with the outside world for almost 2 weeks. Had no idea what images were on tv. For the first few days, we actually had no cell service. The "are you ok" ..."we are so worried about you" ..."we are going to come up there" texts came after. Even once we could get info and find charging stations, I didn't tell them we were available. We were pretty much captive in our homes for much of the storm and aftermath - dealing with our own immediate trauma. I knew I had to hold onto my precious distance from them. If I had to lie to do it, so be it. I try very hard not lie - even little white lies. But sometimes you gotta protect yourself first.

I am so glad to hear that NC has been one of the happiest times of your life. My life has also gotten exponentially better with each passing year.  No way I am letting them penetrate that hard-won fight. I am not going to regress. I am in control.

Notice that the statement was all about them: THEY are sick, THEY wish they could see you one more time. Do they think the world is ending soon? Very  overly dramatic. Not "we hope you are safe. That's all."

I would say go back to not checking that blocked bucket - ever. It does not benefit you in any way. And stay safe - you have enough anxiety already.

[GettingOOTF]

I've thinking about this a lot lately as I'm sure many of us have. Someone getting sick is not a reason to get back in touch. "I'm sick (dying)" is a million miles away from any acknowledgement of past abuse and willingness to change.

I feel getting in touch now would only open me up to more abuse. I am as at peace as I'm going to get with the situation. It will be bad getting in touch and it will be bad when he passes if I don't. I'm going with what I'm most easily able to live with.

[_apparentlywicked]

It's so sick when they mimic normal people as if they had any capacity for  sentimentality. If they had this ability you'd have never had to cut them out of your life because they'd be normal loving decent people and they'd have displayed loving sentiments throughout your relationship.

I know my dad will be demonising me for cutting him off especially at this time. I know because I saw him do it to my sister after all the abuse from him. They're pathetic that they force people to keep out of their way and then get angry with those people. It reminds me of the quote 'if you're gonna be stupid you've gotta be tough' as in if you make stupid decisions you'd better be able to live with the consequences. They're not strong though, they don't have the gumption to accept what they've caused.

❤️❤️

[stasia]

I'm sure my M would do this too if I hadn't changed my number. I'm expecting a "please help me" letter to arrive in the mail any day now, since we're basically shut down and the elderly aren't supposed to go out.

I'm staying strong, though, and not going to check up on her. I know from experience that all I would get is an earful of how this is all so much easier for me because I'm not elderly, I'm not a widow, I have a job, and I have a supportive partner. So therefore I'm supposed to put HER oxygen mask on first. Can't do it. I'm staying away even though it feels wrong and horrible thanks to my FOG.

[Morocha2015]

it seems a PD person will never allow a good pandemic to go to waste to further their cause. 

This made me laugh so hard! It's so true. My HPDm keeps calling and sending mail since this all started. That's the last thing I need to deal with right now. Of course there's no thought to my trauma or what I need to care for my children. I love the subject, stay strong! You got this!!

[JustKat]

"I'm sick (dying)" is a million miles away from any acknowledgement of past abuse and willingness to change.

My mother played the "I'm sick and dying" card for four years before she finally did pass away. When I was first told she had cancer the prognosis was four weeks to live. My enFather guilted me with this "four weeks to live" story for four freaking years. In the end, she did die of cancer, but I'm pretty sure she was faking it for the first few years, then it became a boy who cried wolf situation.

When she did get sick and the end was near, there was no remorse or apology for any of the abuse I endured. Instead, she doubled down on the scapegoating and had my enFather disinherit me out of revenge.

I'm sure most of us live with the hope that they'll acknowledge their abuse in the end, maybe even reach out and try to make things right, but speaking from my own experience, they don't. They can't change. Like you, I've been so much happier without them. I never broke NC and have no regrets.