Pandemic Chaos

[Dae]

Do they just cut you out completely?  Silent treatment, no kind words nothing.  He just totally cut me off in the middle of this.  I want to run, scream get away from him and now the pandemic and here I am....in total silence.  There is no doubt in my mind that these people truly are sadistic and incapable of loving!  Hugs and strength to you all out there!

[looloo]

I have such an urge to give a huge hug to everyone who could really use one!  So here's a virtual hug from me 

[notrightinthehead]

My NPDh gave me the silent treatment for 2,5 months after I lost my cool and yelled at him. Please use your situation as an opportunity to practise medium chill and to take good care of yourself. Use loving kindness on yourself.

[losingmyself]

Dae, hugs to you. Remember, it's not you, it's them. I just ask myself, is there anything I could have possibly done to deserve anger? If so, acknowledge and apologize, and if not, (most likely) then it's their problem, not yours.
I hope you can go about your day in happiness and let him know that his bad attitude is not going to mess up your day.
My H asked me why I was upset yesterday when I listened to some podcasts about the virus, he figured it was because I thought I would get it.  I said No, it's empathy. (Like, let me explain this foreign concept to you) I feel bad for the people I listened to. It has nothing to do with me.
I think he might be scared, and there's nothing tangible to be angry at, Because anger is really the only response they can deal with, like, get out of their system. Being scared is unacceptable. So, they must be mad at a human. Tag, you're it.  Don't let it get to you, it takes practice, but it gets easier. Like Notright said, be kind to yourself.
Much love and prayers coming your way.

[SparkStillLit]

I have not been cut off. I have instead been subject to long rants about covid stuff, elected officials, predictions and projections. Super controlling about who goes out of/comes into the house and where (of course he can do this whenever he likes). Never had any plausible excuse for that one before. All OVER me like white on rice except he can't seem to touch me or interact with me that it isn't demandingly sexual. So many nippy nasty comments but oh "I'm jooooking! It was a joooke!" Such a funny, funny guy.
I've started throwing that one back at him, any time he objects to my "tone" or twists what I say. It has backed him off that just a hair.
I'm losing my mind.

[1footouttadefog]

So far it's relatively calm.  I figure it will all bust loose at any time.

What we see are simply more of same types of stuff. 

My pdh is sabotaging the dish washing.  Has been for a while. I think he secretly want out of it even though he tries to get big points for doing it each night.

He is using way too much did soap. It gets used up too fast and I think he thinks I will take dishes away and have kids do it now that eldest is back home from University.  He does not realize I bought three cases of dish detergent at a salvage sale and hid it away.  We may run out of to but not dish wash, lol.

He wants to go visited his buddies at the garbage center.  I said if you do chat outside and not in the office and don't shake hands etc.  No he is being snarky and saying my DD should take trash.inhate the all or nothing attitude. He wants me to Jade and circular argue that he can go and just not act as before and social distance.  Nope I can okay all or nothing game also. 

[Aeon]

Sorry to hear you're going through this, Dae.
My unpdH is big with the total lock out. For the last ten years he brings out the stone wall whenever he feels like it and shuts me out (or the earphones or excuses or ...)
Dealing with things that don't make sense is hard for me but knowing that this is them and their "weird" is something I find helpful.
Refocusing on self-care can be good, too as Notright says. 

[OpenHeart]

1footout, I can so relate.  My dxnpdh "signed on" for dishes to prove to a counselor that I was wrong when I said he wouldn't help me at home.   All was good for a month and it's been a PD battle ever since.   He uses too little or too much soap, "forgets" to wipe off the appliance handles, then ignores the microwave until it's too gross to use and so on.  He, too, is trying to get out of what he insisted he would do.  So when something gets too disgusting, I  just smile and remind him that he "forgot x, y or z"

[Stillirise]

A couple of weeks ago, we travelled to an area that had an outbreak of the virus while we were there.  We returned home, under an advisement that anyone who had recently visited that area should self-quarantine.   The area we live in is just now starting to be affected.  The children and I have followed the directive. UPDh has mostly done an excellent job of isolating himself from us, but has been out and about everywhere else the entire time.  He leaves for hours, then comes home and retreats downstairs, away from us.  I'm fine with it for myself, but I can only imagine what the kids must think.  He can come and go, but we can't...why does he just stay downstairs, away from us, when he is home?.... They don't ask me things like that anymore, because all I can say is I don't know. 

Thankfully, none of us have presented with symptoms, and the timeframe to do so from our travel is nearly past.  This whole thing proves he truly doesn't believe rules apply to him.  Since thinks he's fine, and he is always right, his actions are completely OK.  The fact that none of us have yet become sick only "proves" he was right, and I've been a fool to keep the kids and myself isolated all this time.     

[notrightinthehead]

So he was lucky. And the ones in contact with him were lucky too. You just stick to what your good sense tells you. May you and your kids stay healthy!

[Free2Bme]

My updxh lives 400 miles away in a major city.  DS17 - GC & DS20 - SG live with him.  Updxh has been working from home for weeks according to DS's.  But now DS17 is telling me dad is in bed sick and running fever.  Curiously, when some big conflicts are going on with my boys and DS17 is getting in very serious trouble because of lack of good parenting.  Xh is likely just trying to escape responsibility. 
In my 20 of marriage with this guy, he was rarely sick, seems to have a super-immune system.  However, he would fake illness from time to time for attention.  DS of course does not remember this and is completely FOG'd and brainwashed.  Maybe he is truely ill (I don't wish it upon him) ...but I doubt it.

It never fails to amaze me how a disordered person sees the world through a different set of eyes.  Primary objective....ME, "how can I use a crisis to generate some pay off for myself?"

I can't imagine being on lockdown with him.  When we were married I would shudder when he would tell me he was taking a week vacation.  Please God....

Sending a hug to all who are in this boat

[ICantThinkOfAName]

Sparks yes!  Mine is looking at me sideways any time I think to leave the house and needs to know what and where everyone is at. It's giving him complete authority to be a complete control freak. All the while he does what he wants.

[Lauren17]

Do they just cut you out completely?  Silent treatment, no kind words nothing.  He just totally cut me off in the middle of this.  I want to run, scream get away from him and now the pandemic and here I am....in total silence.  There is no doubt in my mind that these people truly are sadistic and incapable of loving!  Hugs and strength to you all out there!

Yes. My uBPDh has gone completely silent. He works, watches TV (usually news) and sleeps.
Basically the only communication we've gotten is his attempt at empathy. That is "there are people way worse off than we are. So we can't complain" I finally told him I'm not telling DD she's not allowed to be sad because other people are sadder.
I thought I was the only one who fought the dishes fight! It's hard to explain how infuriating that is. We don't have the soap problem, but he randomly chooses items to not wash and leaves them in the sink for days. Or he will randomly not start the machine, so when you go looking for a spoon, you get a nose full of rotten dirty dishes. Never cleans the sink or wipes the counters. I can't take it anymore! I'll just do it myself.
I haven't been on here much, since I haven't had much time alone. I'm glad I logged on today. I can't describe how much I needed to hear (again) that I'm not alone. But I know you all will understand.
Hugs.