Mediation & New discoveries

[startwhereyouare]

We have a mediation date, hooray!
But after the petition response time lapsed, the stbexPD filed a response asking for permanent alimony, saying his depression and anx don't allow him to work. We had a handyman business together for several years, we closed it when we filed for divorce. He now has a reg job and I have another business that I started n 2016. The past couple of years I have been struggling to get this new business off the ground, while I was in the FOG, chasing his 'depression', not understanding it was to draw attention back to him and away from my new adventures. So yes, I thought he wasn't working as much.  And I've been the primary supporter of our home, the last of the kids at home, his onslaught of medical bills in this crazy health care system we have....And yet, I started to receive tax info IN HIS NAME after he was removed from the house. A lot of it.
And I couldn't match it to income through the business. So I went to our bank to discover he's been cashing checks for side work against, not through, our joint savings account. Not just this time he's been unable to work as he's been claiming, but for years. I am so furious!!! 
I am in the process of collecting these items for the legal side, but it is such an outright betrayal, like a slow death, and then I feel like I need to put myself back together again. I'm working so hard to not give my energy back into this mess, and I get sucked in the most vile way. I know it's about learning to accept this disorder, and I do feel stronger now, more than ever. But I am so conflicted when I feel so used. I mean, we were struggling, I asked my parents to help with our DS HS graduation last summer and this guy literally had over 3500 cash available to him the day of. How does someone do that to their own family? I am so ashamed I let this happen, and worse, he's is the father to my kids. I cannot wait to go to therapy....

[Poison Ivy]

My ex also probably was hiding income, but fortunately (for me), only in the final year or two of our marriage.  It infuriated me.  You have my sympathy.