NMIL using fear to get back in

[Spirit in the sky]

I am not surprised to be writing that NMIL has used the whole virus thing to her advantage. I'm still no contact but hubby with all his healthy anxiety fell for her fake concern and dropped his defences.

Now she's phoning him everyday, sending him money, buying him things, organising food deliveries. If I say anything I'm told 'she's just being kind'.
He's getting on my nerves because she keeps telling him he can't go out because of the germs and now I'm stuck at home with him.

[Pepin]

If I say anything I'm told 'she's just being kind'.

*sigh*  I am sorry you have to hear this.  I've heard it many times myself in the past and at best it is an excuse that your DH is using.  Your DH (like mine) doesn't know how to deal with his mother and therefore caves to her whims -- they have been groomed to.

For me, I've literally just dropped the ball and kind of separated myself from all the madness in their relationship.  I want nothing to do with it.  If DH's mother phones, I leave the room and pretend I have something to do.  When she used to buy him stuff or send him home with food, I would be emotionless and then change the subject.  I would also remind DH that since I live with him, that before bringing food home from PDmil's pantry, that he please ask me.  DOn't just take it -- ask it we need it or will use it because otherwise it will end up spoiled and uneaten....and that is a waste.  A lot of what we eat is not the same as PDmil anyway and we don't have a lot of pantry space either.  She used to precook stuff all the time and bring it over without asking.  I had to have a conversation with DH about this because it interfered with shopping I had already done and meals that were planned.  I think he finally understood that I had the right to voice my concerns about this ridiculous food "delivery" that she was sending our way.  Not only that, but our diets have changed due to food sensitivities so therefore PDmil cannot accommodate that with her cooking....

Sending a grown man money?  I don't know how old you are but I had to put my foot down about that as well.  I was like look DH, our purchases and expenditures are our business only.  Please don't tell them to PDmil before we have paid for them (because she likes to offer to pay.). We are more than capable of paying for anything we need. 

How is buying stuff and having it sent and sending money any real way to show concern?  It is buying your husband.  My PDmil has operated this way for years.....she knows my husband cannot resist money.  But, I can when I know strings are attached. 

The other thing that I think has worked, is keeping DH's attention focused elsewhere.  If he is busy, then he will forget about PDmil.  I am glad that DH cannot visit with his elderly mother during this pandemic.  I know it sounds mean and DH has been getting on my nerves a bit but, I would rather be stuck with him than her with him like it was before. 

I don't know if any of this is helpful....just some thoughts.