Got laid off from toxic job

[Aingeal]

I had been working there for over 10 years.  My bosses (the owners) delivered the news without much thought, not seeming to give a $!*#.  "Oh, sorry - we don't have enough work for you to work from home so we'll have to lay you off ".  Very casual, void of emotion.  I admit my first thought was a cartoon dancing Snoopy in my head.  Seriously,  I'd been saving up to quit someday - the toxicity got that bad in the office.  On the other hand I knew I couldn't afford to quit.  The reality is that of course I need a paycheck.   Alto this job took my self esteem and crushed it into the ground.  So I stayed too long, woke up to it all too late very much like the boiled frog anecdote.

I knew my health was suffering because of the job.  In fact, I often wondered if this job was going to kill me.  A secretarial job for jerks/owners that put so much stress on me, my body.  The past year or so I had so many sleepless nights.  Waking at 2 or 3am and Sunday nights were the absolute WORST - Aways dreading going in on Monday. 

In a lot of ways there is the panic and anxiety of I just lost my job  .  On the other hand there are those cartoon dancing Snoopy's in my head that are screaming "I'm FREE.... I'm FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  It really felt like I could breathe again.  I'm away from the toxicity....
But on a strange note - my boss insisted that I go apply for unemployment right away on the work computer.  He said he was worried about me waiting too long and I might not get a claim in (stood behind me while I brought up the government webpage)).  Hmmmmm......
What a surprise, they don't give unemployment benefits to someone who is technically still employed.  I offered to leave, --  ya know - they just laid me off but I was told to stay the 2 ish hours left in the work day.     Honestly, I was trying to leave on good terms with my toxic bosses /toxic workplace...... Even as I write this I know what an idiot I am for thinking that is at all possible with NPD bosses.   

I also got a call later on at home (from the same boss - who ALWAYS texts -  asking me to make sure that I apply for unemployment the next day..... before too many claims are submitted and I miss out......  Is it me not trusting a NPD boss /owner or is this VERY strange?

Thanks everyone for reading and letting me vent.

[JollyJazz]

Hello, Sorry to hear you got laid off, but glad you have escaped a toxic environment!!! I am sure you will find something else soon. Enjoy your breathing space for now! Best wishes

[Aingeal]

Thanks so much jollyjazz  I'm going to look at this time as a gift and search for something - anything else - hopefully I will be able to work in a healthy work environment next job (fingers crossed)

Thanks again 

[clara]

This is definitely a bit of gaslighting on the part of your boss.  I don't think there's anything nefarious about it, just him trying to now look like a "good guy" after years of abuse.  This type of abrupt switching seems common in NPDs--that constant push-pull that's part of the disorder.  Their self-image is that of a good person, deep down inside, so will pivot in order to lie to themselves about who they really are. 

[Aingeal]

Thanks Clara !! 
Gaslighting  never entered my mind - but it makes perfect sense.  My boss is all about image, looking good, coming off as a nice guy to others -  -  nothing could be further from the truth!  He's been downright cruel to employees 

I'm gong to count my blessings that I'm away from that environment.