No explanation for physical pain?

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Maxtrem

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No explanation for physical pain?
« on: April 13, 2020, 07:07:41 PM »
I have read several articles/books that expose the fact that children of Narc/BPD parents would often have physical pain, but I am not sure of their scientific validity. My shoulders are very sore, the slightest movement of extencion or force causes me pain. I also have pain in my back following a false movement (at the spine between the lower and middle back). I also sometimes have slight discomfort/pain in my knees, but they crack hard when I bend them. All these pains have occurred this year. Over the past year, my uBPDM has gone down like never before and I developed anxiety problems, my grandmother passed away (she was losing her autonomy and I had been helping her for several years) and my uncle also passed away (he was the only member of my family with whom I had great affinity)!

The worst thing is that I am only 27 years old, a healthy weight and healthy lifestyle. I used to be active, very manual, but for the past year I can do almost nothing without limitation, otherwise I have pain for several days for nothing. In my shoulders, I would have small bursitis (discovered after an ultrasound), but according to my physiotherapist, my pain is lower in the shoulder, so this diagnosis would not be the cause of my pain.

Do other people here have physical pain with no apparent cause? Have you found a solution? 

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Happypants

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2020, 05:16:42 AM »
Maxtrem - is it possible that you’re suffering from “muscle armouring”?  It’s a physical manifestation of bracing yourself against something, physical or emotional.  I think Pete Walker talks about it in one of his books but I’m afraid I cant remember where.

My left shoulder creeps up and forward when I’ve had challenging conversations with family members, but i only notice once the muscle strain and pain creeps in for days after, then i need to consciously drop my shoulder and focus on all over exercise like yoga or even hillwalking (which tends to loosen your spine from the changing terrain).  It helps to check in with yourself (maybe set and alarm a couple of times a day?) to do a head to toe assessment for any areas of tension which could be causing referred pain or affecting your posture.

I hope this is of some help x

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Sun

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2020, 05:10:24 PM »
I'm sorry you are in so much pain. You are so young! Have you read a book called 'The Body Keeps The Score'? I heard of it on here, and have downloaded but not read much yet, but I think it will be helpful.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2020, 06:38:00 PM »
The stress and tension in the muscles is very real as is the levels of cortisol pumping though all day every day. That alone is quite enough for the physical symptoms you describe. Yes very real for me also.

Things subsided as I realized what I was dealing with was abuse and I needed to protect myself, learn boundaries, all the stuff we learn in the Toolbox here.

The other thing that helped was meditations like body scan and controlled breathing exercises to lower blood pressure.
· Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage. Plan accordingly, make time to heal
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Psuedonym

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2020, 06:41:56 PM »
I was also going to recommend The Body Keeps the Score. As to the solution: on the upside there is one, on the downside, it's not an easy one, because it involves cutting out as much contact (or all if necessary) with the source of your symptoms as necessary. You have mentioned in past posts that you don't feel any anger, but that you have suffered greatly from anxiety. I would suggest that you are swallowing a lot of your feelings and trauma (because interacting with her is traumatic to you) in order to keep functioning. That trauma is coming out as physical symptoms.

I had a near constant headache for two years dealing with uBPD/N M (aka Negatron) up to and after my dad's death. When I finally cut off contact her when I started having panic attacks....headache went away. Hasn't come back since. I think you will find many people with similar stories here.

 :bighug:

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Amadahy

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2020, 12:15:59 AM »
Yes, our bodies cannot lie. I developed fibroids on/around my ovaries in the last 3 1/2 years, coinciding with the time I went through hell with my Nmom.  I'm just now healing, with lots and lots of work and complementary therapies.

I used to have terrible bursitis in my shoulders after my EnDad died.  I saw I had the weight of the world on my shoulders with Nmom, with no buffer through dad. I find metaphysical descriptions helpful, ala Louise Hay or Wayne Dyer or Mona Lisa Schulz. If these resonate, you can find ways to remedy your pain.  If not, no worries, different strokes and all.  :)

I hope you can find healing and relief.  <3
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Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

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donutsinheaven

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2020, 07:41:18 AM »
Hi, I'm about your age and I also have similar experiences. The stress is real and it affects our entire beings - if you're under constant attack, no wonder you're in pain.
I'm in a combo of physiotherapy and 'regular' therapy (exercises + talking in the same session) which has been good for me.
One example: I have tense shoulders and lower back, which makes my breathing more constricted, which leads to more anxiety overall, which leads to even more tension. Getting help from my physio to find full, calm breaths that aren't "held back" has helped with both pain and anxiety. Not a miracle cure by any means, but still helpful.

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freedom77

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2020, 10:37:46 AM »
I've learned so much from this site.
Muscle armoring...I never heard of it, but I definitely do it.
And I believe it's from decades of abuse, and the expectation that I could be attacked at any moment, as I often was during my childhood.
Maxtrem, you are young, but that makes no difference. Prolonged exposure to abuse causes many physical and mental symptoms. Not too mention all the cortisol that floods us daily when dealing with our abusers.

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Boat Babe

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2020, 05:42:59 PM »
When I was living with a very abusive man who definitely had a PD cos he ticked ALL the boxes I developed appalling abdominal pain. I was diagnosed with endometriosis, having enjoyed excellent health up to that point.  I was able to leave not much longer after the diagnosis. Over the following year as my life took a real turn for the better (it couldn't have been much worse) the pains lessened and without the full on hormone therapy that I was offered by the specialist, it cleared up spontaneously. It wasn't a miracle as endometriosis can reabsorb but it never came back so I do believe it was directly linked to the abuse.

There appears to be a link between long term stress, especially in childhood, and autoimmune conditions probably due to high levels of cortisol and adrenaline in the system for long periods.  Awful to go through all that and be left with a chronic health problem

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Maxtrem

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2020, 01:30:15 PM »
Thank you very much for your answers and tips! I'm sorry that you also have to endure physical pain on top of everything else. I had never heard of body armoring and high cortisol levels in people who have experienced psychological abuse, but it makes a lot of sense. I really need to see my doctor again when the covid-19 containment is finished. I've never read The body keep the score, but it sounds like a very interesting read, thank you! I have tried physiotherapy, but the exercises, even if very light, hurt too much at the moment, so I stopped. I'm not NC yet with my uBPDM, since she's in therapy, I'm holding on to it, but if there's no improvement, it will end up in NC.

I would suggest that you are swallowing a lot of your feelings and trauma (because interacting with her is traumatic to you) in order to keep functioning. That trauma is coming out as physical symptoms.

Not long ago, I had a childhood memory (I don't remember my childhood at all) that surfaced: I had suicidal thoughts when I was 6 years old and also from a teacher who told me: you really don't seem happy. Maybe I thought I was having a masked depression, feelings so repressed that it results in physical pain. To have such plans (planning to shoot myself) at age 6 I had to be extremely sad. And of course, I never had the right to be angry, tired, sad, take time for myself, complain... it was such selfish behaviour that was punished inordinately by manipulation, criticism, smear campaigns, denigration...  Above all (a slightly fuzzy memory that has resurfaced) I was 9 years old, I had talked about dying and my uBPDM told me that the family was going to celebrate and have a party if I die!   

What's affecting me a lot right now is that I have to put my plan to start a construction business on hold which was one of my dreams. I had bought some land to build several apartments and houses, but I'll probably just have to resell it all.   

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Boat Babe

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2020, 08:25:17 AM »
You wanted to die at six? Dear God, she must have been awful.  I'm so sorry you had to endure that and send you HUGE hugs today.

I wouldn't hold my breath that therapy will help her. I can totally understand how you feel but it may be that giving up on the hope that you mum will finally realise what she has done to you and change her behaviour will be your key to emotional freedom. Once I really got it that this is the way my mother is, and that she will not change, I actually felt BETTER, not worse. I no longer live with constant disappointment and frustration and feel some compassion for her. Her bizarre and often nasty comments are now water off a duck's back. It did take years to get to this point and I hope you can do this quicker than I did.

Take care in these difficult times ❤️

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Konoha

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2020, 06:13:38 PM »
Hi, I'm sorry for your pain, hope that now you are doing well. It can be because of the weather or even because of this hard period. You know everyone is thinking about this crazy virus and how life will be after that and so one. Try to take some fresh air every day and just relax, and not just your body but your brain too.

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Maxtrem

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #12 on: June 02, 2020, 01:48:09 PM »
For those like me who have chronic muscle pain, there is hope and I wanted to share it with you!
To follow up, my doctor discovered that I had a magnesium deficiency which is vital for the healing of muscle injuries. I have been taking magnesium supplements for 2 weeks and I already have less pain in my daily life (but it is still far from being cured). However, my doctor did not understand why I had a magnesium deficiency, since my diet is fairly balanced and I am not a vegetarian. I did some research and read a study that mentions that emotional stress and constant hypervigilance cause magnesium reserves to be eliminated. So there would be no more magnesium to heal muscle injuries and make us more susceptible to new injuries.

For those like me who have chronic muscle pain, this could be explained by a simple magnesium deficiency that would be the result of having been a victim of long-term psychological abuse. The good news is that it is easy to improve this problem with magnesium supplements sold in pharmacies.   

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Adria

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #13 on: June 03, 2020, 12:08:01 PM »
Yes, when we are under stress for prolonged periods of time, our progesterone levels drop and estrogen levels rise causing a depletion in magnesium.  I'm glad you found something that works. Hopefully now, your pain will improve. 
Also, when under a lot of stress, the pancreas can act up causing pain under the left shoulder blade in your back.  It is a very unusual and uncomfortable pain, quite hard to miss.  Please take care of yourself, and may you find ways to soothe and comfort yourself while healing.

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Seven

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2020, 10:57:48 AM »
Adria,
OMG, years ago my hmother stand had unexplained left side pain that we went to doctor for. No diagnosis other than “there’s nothing on your left side to cause this pain”

Then he shined his spine and lit into his uBPD mother. Seems like she was talking shit about me to him behind my back, literally trying to get him to divorce me.. making up stories that she said she heard from my mother.   This whole incident led to silent treatment from them (this is what led me here years ago). Amazingly the pain went away for him.  And his indigestion. He’d pop Tums like candy. All suddenly disappeared.

So I asked him just now where EXACTLY the pain was on his left side and he pointed under his left armpit towards the back.

How is it that the pancreas causes this?

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Adria

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #15 on: June 04, 2020, 12:22:31 PM »
Seven,

I don't know how the pancreas causes it.  I just know I just had a bout with that.  Went to my Chinese doctor, and that's what he told me was causing all the discomfort under my left shoulder blade. Gave me acupuncture for it and some herbs and it went away.  My aunt had the same thing.  Terrible pain under her left shoulder blade and ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis.

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Maxtrem

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Re: No explanation for physical pain?
« Reply #16 on: June 26, 2020, 07:43:55 PM »
Update :

My new physiotherapist told me today that I have muscle tension all over my body. He told me that this is usually due to chronic stress, he asked me if my job was stressful... He also told me that with so much muscle tension, the chances of injuring a muscle are much higher, that it is harder to heal and it also creates muscle pain. Physiotherapy and massage therapy can help eliminate muscle tension. For people like us who have experienced chronic stress and who are hypervigilant, my physiotherapist says that we have to be very careful when we make a major muscular effort, because our chances of injuring our superior and it is more difficult to recover.