tough day

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tragedy or hope

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tough day
« on: April 14, 2020, 07:28:43 PM »
Too much together time.
Anyone else reaching this point with an unpdh? After several weeks, his traits are glaringly obvious.  We are in the "at risk" category so "we" are pretty much housebound.
I think I am judging myself today for being so gullible to be in this so deep. I am embarrassed and ashamed to have put up with this abnormal "relationship." Yet, I am not ready to leave... bizarre.


"When people show you who they are, believe them."
~Maya Angelou

Believe it the first time, or you will spend the rest of your life in disbelief of what they can/will do; to you.

Family systems are like spider webs. It takes years to get untangled and you still have bits of web on you. T or H

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Cascade

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Re: tough day
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2020, 03:51:43 AM »
Yes, way too much together time for us too. I believe there’s another post like this in the other section, if you want to look for it.

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Bloomie

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Re: tough day
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2020, 12:28:34 PM »
tragedy or hope - Just catching up with this. How are you doing today? Are you finding ways to cope and keep steady?
"You can understand and have compassion for someone and still not want a relationship with them."
Amanda E. White, LPC @therapyforwomen

Bloomie 🌸

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tragedy or hope

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Re: tough day
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2020, 11:09:16 PM »
Hi Bloomie,
Thank you for asking about me.
 I have my wits about me today. I needed a day to whine I guess.
unpdh has several groups of people to connect with in online meetings. I have a few friends. Its always been about him and his friends and eventually his friends and their wives. I no longer will participate without it being my choice too.
I was feeling a bit jealous of his busy online schedule. We rarely engage in convo of any depth, he tells me he has nothing to say. I am a talker and I love conversation and words.
 I am much better. I have me back today. Thanks again for checking. :)
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
~Maya Angelou

Believe it the first time, or you will spend the rest of your life in disbelief of what they can/will do; to you.

Family systems are like spider webs. It takes years to get untangled and you still have bits of web on you. T or H

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Free2Bme

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Re: tough day
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2020, 12:15:57 AM »
Hi T/H,

Glad to hear you are having a better day. 
Was there something you did that brought that about?
Or something you didn't do?  ................  Maybe if you can pinpoint it, you could replicate it in future when things get tough.   :umbrella:

I can understand the lack of substantive conversations with spouse, that was very hard for me as I am one for conversation too.  I know we all need real people in the flesh to relate to, but you have this forum and you have much to offer. 

take care

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Cascade

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Re: tough day
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2020, 02:42:47 PM »
I was just wondering about this lack of real conversations with my spouse, like two of you mentioned. If I ask my husband what he thinks about a certain subject, he won't share with me. Usually he ignores the question outright.  It's like he can't express his views with me for some unknown reason, or he doesn't have any opinions about many subjects.

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tragedy or hope

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Re: tough day
« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2020, 04:33:52 PM »
I try to keep in the front of my mind that for N's it is all about appearances. Rather than seem wrong on anything, being non-comital and saying little keeps them out of trouble with their target person. He knows I see through most of his "blah, blah, blah. He cannot stay on a subject without it being about him. He cannot directly answer a question because it would give him no control of the conversation.

This leaves him with real responses. Which he will avoid at all costs. Saying the expected... out of the question. Manipulating words.. all the time. I am on to it. When I ask something and I get something else, I wait till he's finished and reask the same question. I then tell him I wanted the answer to that one thing. He usually says then... " I don't know."

Sometimes I just mess with him because I know he will act like this and I want him to know I know the game. It ruins it for him but I am clear. this is what I care about. My own sanity.
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
~Maya Angelou

Believe it the first time, or you will spend the rest of your life in disbelief of what they can/will do; to you.

Family systems are like spider webs. It takes years to get untangled and you still have bits of web on you. T or H

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Cascade

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Re: tough day
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2020, 03:25:02 AM »
Tragedy or hope,  that certainly makes sense, thanks for sharing.