When you just know

[inHistime]

Terrible day yesterday. My H was acting like his F and M. What? This never happens. I just kept thinking why is he acting like his parents??? Then this morning, he deletes a message from his M. I don't really understand FLEAS but I had a gut feeling. I KNEW IT. What did she say? He's not talking. I haven't spoken to them since 2015, and he hasn't expect for a few texts ( which he doesn't talk about) since 2017. He apologized and turned it around. Frustrating our FOC have to "live" with the consequences of contact he still lets in with his FOO.

[bloomie]

inHistime - One of our hero members Spring Butterfly has had in her tagline that every encounter with a PD person causes harm. I agree with that statement and would add that the harm has a ripple effect to those closest to us.

It is really hard when we have different levels of contact than our H's and we can clearly see the damage being done and then our happy lives are impacted by it. I am sorry this is happening.

[inHistime]

Thanks! I just needed to process a bit. It sounds weird to say, but I'm glad H is uncomfortable. Mil triangulated us for many years. Making sure to say different things to me and H. Then when I would say no to the drama, it was an easy escape to just treat me like I'm being the "difficult one". Now that I calmly 100% refuse to be a part of it. H has no buffer, I'm not there to blame for her behavior, the kids and I aren't fair game anymore. H had to take it, by himself.  He has mostly just been polite to texts and ignored the past 3 years. I believe H thinks he can continue to be avoidant, just "get over it", pretend it didn't happen etc. Well, I don't think that's working so great for him anymore.  Brushing it off, like usual, is morphing into bottling it up. It is affecting him, and in turn me. He had even recently mentioned a few things about how badly his parents had treated him growing up. I think he is very aware they are harmful. I just don't know how to help him. I'm trying to be supportive, without him telling me anything. I feel like we are a team in life, in everything but this. He listens. He is Ok with me being NC. I just wish he accepted that he could be too. He is allowed.